So what if I die?

So what if I die?

So what if I’ll be forgotten?

So what if my room would be occupied by someone else?

So what if my clothes would be donated for some charity?

So what if I liked to make people smile? 

So what my smell would be gone forever?

So what if my place would be taken by someone else in all the lives I have lived?

So what if my stationary paraphernalia would be thought of as waste?

So what if people would talk about my bad and forget my good?

So what if my mere existence would remain in the photographs? 

So what if my personality would just translate into an image?

So what if I’ll die? 

... dear moon

While walking under the street lights,

following my own silhoutte,

shooing away cockroaches, listening to lizardous music,

fiddling with my phone,

I sneezed. 

I sneezed and looked up in the sky,

and the celestial body attached with the black cloth,

black, dark and infinite.

And cockroaches, phone forgotten

The thought struck me,

if I could dance with you, 

on the lonesome road,

and like I won't point at your flaws,

you shouldn't too.

Dear moon.

I don't want you to judge me,

and make faces while I dance. While,

the music would be composed by cockroaches,

and humming of flies,

and ringtone of the phone,

and lizards cheering, 

because we are together. 

What if?

what if i am unable to discriminate between what and what not.

what if i can’t judge between how to and how not to. 

what if i can’t handle the humor the way its meant to be.

what if i abandon my emotions and use pure logic.

what if i find comfort in another’s pain and not sorry. 

what if i suddenly become a meat-eater and abstain eating veggies.

what if i give up photography and lose myself in chores.

what if i intake all unhealthy and refrain from healthy.
what if all i demand is respect from people and can do without love.

what if i like to call myself open-minded and not closed.

what if life is full of what-if-s noone can get back to me about. 

Have you being taken granted for?

Love offers you a feeling of security. A security that makes your life worth living. It gives you reasons to make someone smile on a regular basis. It's great to have someone love you back. Someone whom you can take granted for, only because you are sure of the love you showered them with. 

Being taken granted for is generally associated with negativity, but I think it's a great feeling. Someone who takes you for granted would always come back to you, because you offer them something not everyone in the world can offer. I can be a bit preachy in my writing style, ignore to notice that. But what I'm trying to say is, I know we hate being taken for granted, and at the same time it's a great feeling when you know that you'd be approached for something only can offer. It's sad when you are in it, but it feels great when you look back at it. 

There are people I've taken granted for. People generally can't bear that feeling, so they leave. So, only my family and a few of the friends has stood by my side, even when I take them for granted. They make me feel secured. Sometimes, I feel guilty that I make them go through so much of shit. Sometimes, its annoying while sometimes- it's just love. 

Pearls and their value.

I had always chased after pearls,

fought to get them,

i got them, but, 

out of all the pearls i had,

lost, and 

gained, 

Explained by many, that,

pearls are precious to keep,

but i lost,

one after the other,
reason being, 

my carelessness, and faithless-ness,

but the time has come,

when i dont want 

pearls,

 not because they are expensive,

but priceless. 

Dear Rye,

Since the time you are gone, I have known how important you were to me. Don't take me wrong- It's not like, I didn't think of you as important at that point of time when we were together... but yeah, we do take friends for granted at times, and so did I. 

I miss the times we spent together. Talking, watching, eating, and again talking. The first time I experimented maggi with a different flavour was you. The first time I had a friend who looked through my photographs to understand what I am trying to say. The first TV show I'd fallen in love with while watching it with you. You were such a friend. Amidst the lot of people I have in my life, you held a different place altogether. I don't know if you would believe me or no, or if its too late to say, but I really miss you. I missed you on my birthday. A lot. 

You are one friend I'd wish to get married before me. You are one friend I'd want to see your name on the large screen. You're one friend I wish never fell sick, because I know what you go through when you are in pain and how it breaks your momentum in work. You're one friend who understood my girly needs. You're someone possesive and equally caring when it comes to me. 

You were someone who would want to look into my photographs, and would see all the drafts till the time it came out to be perfect.

What you meant to me, is something I can explain by not being able to find anyone like you and what all you did for me. I am happy for whatever you are doing now, and how you choose your life to be. I miss you. I miss your paparazzi-type-taking-photo-mode. I miss you when I want to eat Maggi. I miss you when I have noone to watch tv show seasons all in a night and then discuss it. I miss the way I was with you.  

Found poetry.

Found this poem in my last year books. Today, this poetry makes so much sense. 


To be honest, I don't remember if this is written by me, or no... but it felt like a REAL treasure when I found it right now. 

koshish thi ki khud se jeetun,

par main khud se haar gayi.

kya isse kahu main haar gayi,

jab uss pyaar se haar gayi.

kahin agar main usse ek manzil,

toh uss manzil se haar gayi.

par himmat na haari maine,

aur har mushkil ko paar kiya,

woh shayad ek seedi tha,

manzil ka jisko darja diya,

kathinaayian ki har seedi chadkar,

aaj main baazi maar gayi. 

I can't breakfree.

Trapped,

Chained in the opinions,

keys lost

I can't breakfree.

Affected,

living with thyself,

unwanted,

I can't breakfree.

Tempted to go back,

I can't decide,

A tune in my head,

I can't breakfree.

Dragged by emotions,

unable to face the truth,

crafting the patterns,

I can't breakfree. 

Restlessness,

Peace of mind lost,

so used,

I can't breakfree.

All lost,

noone to hold onto,

none to fall-back on,

unable to trust,

I can't breakfree. 

What makes you happy?

I understand happiness is ephemeral.


The strange thing, I realised, that I am unable to make myself happy. This realisation is quite scary in itself. I tried to observe what makes/keeps me happy. But I couldn't understand what made me happy generally. I am not a depressed soul or something. I have a smiling face. And my first reaction to things is usually a smile. But happiness? 


I tried hard to track a pattern. It was simple for me. I recieve immense pleasure and happiness and seeing people around me happy. More when its because of me, but I am happy when they are happy.


But the funny thing is that it still required people around me. If I am alone, what would make me happy. Perhaps, answer to this question was difficult. I had no answer. I kept thinking about it. I am still thinking. 


So, I want you all the readers, to think about what makes you happy. Just you, when you are with yourself. How do you keep yourself happy? It's important for each one of you to know and understand. Is your happiness conditional? Is it dependent on someone? Is it to do with your interest? What is it? Define happiness for yourself, with regards to ONLY you. 


Please leave your comments. 

Nothing can be done.

Butterflies,

gush of blood,

soothing after effect,

almost magical.

What you said, 

was not supposed to happen,

has now 

already happened. 

It had to lead this way,

you knew it,

we knew it,

yet, it bruises me. 

It happened,

and,

Nothing can be done,

about it.

It was something more than this? 

We all want to believe that.

But I have nothing to believe,

nothing to hold on to. 

Perhaps,

I can rely on,

my butterflies,

gush of blood un-felt,

things unspoken,

and my small fancy world,

where reside you and I. 

Why I want to go back to home food?

Food is something that brings a lot of people together. Different people whose mindsets don't match can catch up for lunch and still enjoy it, because the food brings them both on the comfortable platform, where both of them can eat together. 

When I was a child, I have always shared my lunch with numerous people. No matter what I got in lunch, like khakhra, or some sweet, or paratha, or just a fruit. But I realise by sharing food, people come together on the friendly level. 

Okay, that was just an introduction to my new article. 

You must have heard people around you saying, "I miss home food"and I want to go back to home food, and stuff like that. Ever wondered why people miss home food, when they go out? 

My reasoning could be-

1. One has been eating home food right from the birth . Its obvious that the taste buds are apt according to it. It is very understandable that how home food becomes something to crave for when you step out of the house. 

2. The faith in the person who cooks the food at home, has evolved over a period of time. And one eats that food without being sceptic of what could be amalgamated with it, which is very unlikely to happen with the food that you eat outside. 

There are emotional and sentimental reasons obviously, but this time, If you can think of any more rational justifications, jot them down here... in the comments box. :D 

Negating emotional self.

I thought of myself as an emotional creature. 

Because people around called me emotional. 

ONLY, emotional. 

But more I think about it, 

I am surprised by the fact, that I am not.

I don't know why people always 

saw me as someone who 

is just made up of heap of emotions.

I am emotional at a very basic level. 

I don't feel all the emotions.

I am a human being,

discovering myself at every level.

I am more than emotions. 

I don't even feel a million things.

I don't even understand emotions.

May be my emotions were nothing,

but a social construct. 

Longing...

I wish to pen down my words,
I want to speak my heart loud,
I crave to talk aloud,
I desire to be heard,
I yearn to meet,
I pine to hear,


All that I want to do,
I can't. 

An excerpt...

"Knowing the nuanced details of someone’s life.
Knowing that you mean the world to him. 
Knowing that he would never ever let you go. 
Knowing that happiness became synonyms with him. 
Knowing that all my friends have accepted him as my better half. 
Everything just felt right. 
Knowing the cons of his personality. 
I kept faith in him. 
Highest level of faith that I could ever keep in someone."

When you endure pain ...

Less did I know,

in the process of enduring pain,

and learning to live with it,

and befriending agony, 

you should be happy 

or bitten by melancholia?

Blames,

guilt,

deceit,

taunts.

I wonder,

smiles that you brought,

shortlived though,

are worth missing. But,

this void,

it's creepy,

weird sounds,

and some odd imprints 

that you left behind,

I carry alongwith me,

every day, every night,

in pride, 

in the process of 

enduring the pain...

more I think about you,

more is the pain I derive,

and more, I lose my part. 

The essence of being lonely.

Lonely. I am sure this word bangs your head infinite number of times and scares the shit out of you.  Let me guess, when you have no one to share your innate thoughts, or happy moments and the sad things about your surroundings. As human beings, we are meant to feel these emotions. Happiness. Love. Sadness. Loneliness. Rage. Jealousy. Lust. Greed. We have all the right to have mates and friends all around us, afterall we all are social animals. And we need people to share and gradually grow in our lives. It's not abnormal or there is nothing wrong in feeling lonely. 

Why are people scared about being left alone?

While someone is scared of losing their precious, someone is fearful of being ignored. It's never a good feeling to be the "neglected" one. It's a scary feeling undoubtedly. Everyone wishes to get loved by others and everyone wants to be appreciated. A turmoil and inner conflict is born when no one is there to listen to you, to pat your back, to understand what you are going through. That is when feel loneliness reflects on your face. 

And everyone feels alone at some point or the other, perhaps it's a universal feeling. 

"At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one's lost self."- Brendan Francis 

On one hand where solitudeness creates a void in your heart or keeps you perturbed.However, a different way to look at it can be, it can also guide to the way to know yourself better. When you are surrounded with people all around you and are busy with your chores for long days, you never get a chance to think about yourself and to question yourself (which is important). But once you are left in your own space, you start questioning yourself and try to understand yourself better by introspecting what went wrong and how can it be improved. It's important to achieve something in life. It teaches you a lot of things. It lteaches you a lot about yourself. 

According to me, when you are alone, it can be leading to the process of knowing the self. You can open up face-to-face with yourself without hiding your true emotions. We all expertise in maintaining a facade to display ourselves to the world because of the fear of being judged all the time. We all fear of being put into a trial and therefore become multi-faceted. It's only when you are left in solitude, you can realize your own worth, and be yourself. Just yourself. You can appreciate yourself. You can think anything without the guilt of feeling it. 

Loneliness is a real eye-opener. I guess one should not be scared of feeling lonely at times. Its important for the realization and manifestation of better you. 

Caution- In many cases- a demon/evil is born in the mind of the lonely being which is harmful/fatal if not channelised in the right direction.

Think about yourself. Love yourself. And know yourself. 

You are all worth it~ 

It's one of those days...

It's one of those days,

when life looks like a maze,

rain brings gloom to your heart,

sunset goes unnoticed. 

roaring noises suddenly mutes,

demonic traffic irritates you no more,

It's one of those days, when

no song can cheer you up!

No cuisine can satisfy you,

Aroma of the chocolate can't charm you in,

It's one of those days,

when you forget eating at all.  

It's one of those days,

turbulence is pumping inside you,

when something is vexing you,

that you can't speak, that you can't express,

that you don't want people to know.

It's one of those days,

when you feel lost,

when you don't know what to do,

or how to do.

Mind boggles.

Rarely hurt.

Feeling less.

Perhaps, still and

motionless. 

The will to win

I got a mail from my dad, which I thought is worth sharing here with my blogger friends. 

The Will To Win

If you want a thing bad enough
To go out and fight for it,
Work day and night for it,
Give up your time and your peace and
your sleep for it

If only desire of it
Makes you quite mad enough
Never to tire of it,
Makes you hold all other things tawdry
and cheap for it

If life seems all empty and useless without it
And all that you scheme and you dream is about it,

If gladly you'll sweat for it,
Fret for it, Plan for it,
Lose all your terror of God or man for it,

If you'll simply go after that thing that you want.
With all your capacity,
Strength and sagacity,
Faith, hope and confidence, stern pertinacity,

If neither cold poverty, famished and gaunt,
Nor sickness nor pain
Of body or brain
Can turn you away from the thing that you want,

If dogged and grim you besiege and beset it,
You'll get it!

Remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons. Love yourself, trust your choices, and everything is possible.

A thought.

We all dislike the people who lie, but we all lie. 

Don't we?

When life changes...

Life changes,

even before you start realizing.

Some changes are for good,

some changes are for bad.

Whether bad or good,

changes are dificult to accept. 

And the key to accept the changes,

is... time, and nothing else.