What if?

what if i am unable to discriminate between what and what not.

what if i can’t judge between how to and how not to. 

what if i can’t handle the humor the way its meant to be.

what if i abandon my emotions and use pure logic.

what if i find comfort in another’s pain and not sorry. 

what if i suddenly become a meat-eater and abstain eating veggies.

what if i give up photography and lose myself in chores.

what if i intake all unhealthy and refrain from healthy.
what if all i demand is respect from people and can do without love.

what if i like to call myself open-minded and not closed.

what if life is full of what-if-s noone can get back to me about. 

Nothing can be done.

Butterflies,

gush of blood,

soothing after effect,

almost magical.

What you said, 

was not supposed to happen,

has now 

already happened. 

It had to lead this way,

you knew it,

we knew it,

yet, it bruises me. 

It happened,

and,

Nothing can be done,

about it.

It was something more than this? 

We all want to believe that.

But I have nothing to believe,

nothing to hold on to. 

Perhaps,

I can rely on,

my butterflies,

gush of blood un-felt,

things unspoken,

and my small fancy world,

where reside you and I. 

The essence of being lonely.

Lonely. I am sure this word bangs your head infinite number of times and scares the shit out of you.  Let me guess, when you have no one to share your innate thoughts, or happy moments and the sad things about your surroundings. As human beings, we are meant to feel these emotions. Happiness. Love. Sadness. Loneliness. Rage. Jealousy. Lust. Greed. We have all the right to have mates and friends all around us, afterall we all are social animals. And we need people to share and gradually grow in our lives. It's not abnormal or there is nothing wrong in feeling lonely. 

Why are people scared about being left alone?

While someone is scared of losing their precious, someone is fearful of being ignored. It's never a good feeling to be the "neglected" one. It's a scary feeling undoubtedly. Everyone wishes to get loved by others and everyone wants to be appreciated. A turmoil and inner conflict is born when no one is there to listen to you, to pat your back, to understand what you are going through. That is when feel loneliness reflects on your face. 

And everyone feels alone at some point or the other, perhaps it's a universal feeling. 

"At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one's lost self."- Brendan Francis 

On one hand where solitudeness creates a void in your heart or keeps you perturbed.However, a different way to look at it can be, it can also guide to the way to know yourself better. When you are surrounded with people all around you and are busy with your chores for long days, you never get a chance to think about yourself and to question yourself (which is important). But once you are left in your own space, you start questioning yourself and try to understand yourself better by introspecting what went wrong and how can it be improved. It's important to achieve something in life. It teaches you a lot of things. It lteaches you a lot about yourself. 

According to me, when you are alone, it can be leading to the process of knowing the self. You can open up face-to-face with yourself without hiding your true emotions. We all expertise in maintaining a facade to display ourselves to the world because of the fear of being judged all the time. We all fear of being put into a trial and therefore become multi-faceted. It's only when you are left in solitude, you can realize your own worth, and be yourself. Just yourself. You can appreciate yourself. You can think anything without the guilt of feeling it. 

Loneliness is a real eye-opener. I guess one should not be scared of feeling lonely at times. Its important for the realization and manifestation of better you. 

Caution- In many cases- a demon/evil is born in the mind of the lonely being which is harmful/fatal if not channelised in the right direction.

Think about yourself. Love yourself. And know yourself. 

You are all worth it~ 

When life changes...

Life changes,

even before you start realizing.

Some changes are for good,

some changes are for bad.

Whether bad or good,

changes are dificult to accept. 

And the key to accept the changes,

is... time, and nothing else. 

On missing home-made food.

The home-made sweets,

                                              that maa- You sent to me,

I devour a bite, and keep the rest inside,

like a treasure,

Nothing tastes like the food you made,

Nothing at all.

What is this?

I might be lonely,

I might be confused,

I might be in a bad mood,

I might just want to stay alone.

I should be happy,

It is raining outside,

cukoo is singing in symphony,

and its all so beautiful.

I am sad,

I don't know what to do,

I have no one to take me to the next step,

I feel doomed and not a ray of hope.

Everything seems to fall apart,

Chaos and confusion all around,

Oh brain! why have you stopped working?

Or may be, I am being plain impatient!

An illusion of a perfect life.

Things can never be perfect,

As we want them to be.

As we imagine.

As we dream. 

However,

to lead a happy and a peaceful life ,

We can live in an illusion,

of everything being perfect.

We can hide our sorrows,

behind our glamourous smiles.

We can cry,

but call them "blissful tears".

We cannot run away from problems.

We cannot jump to the conclusions.

We cannot foresee our future.

We have to wait. 

And to wait, Its important to live in illusions.

I do.

I wish,

We could be born flawless,

like the unbroken petals of rose. 

I wish,

nothing would matter, except the hearts. 

*the most valuable- heart*

And today,

Everything else matters, but the heart? Ha! 

*who cares*

Irreparable time.

Time flies. 

It does. But when in pain, Time doesn't seem to fly. Why is it when, we are happy and spend the good time, we don't realize the amount of time spent. But when we are suffering or in some deep shit, we see our watch after every minute.

My college is getting over- hopefully, if I pass. Of course, I spent the awesome time there. I know, time can never come back.  But, when I look back into the time, I realize- I've changed tremendously, and So does my thinking line. 

There are numerous people I held responsible for making me whatever I am. Yes, I have realized- I am something. Most importantly. College days have empowered me, encouraged me and changed me. I shall never forget the days I spent in that vicinity. The college became special, because of the friends and teachers who taught me. It wouldn't be same, if anyone of these would be missing. I won't name here. But people who read this, are of course the major part of my college days. I've learnt a great deal from all of them.

Sometimes, I wonder- Where I would be without college,when it gets over. No answer echoes back to me. I don't know. I might do good in life, or it can be other way also. Undecided of the admissions, *vexed* It is a strange feeling. Exams are just around the corner. And I should have been studying big time, day and night. But I am pouring out my heart here. 

I am not ready to believe I have grown up. Like what?  I was a kid, a child yesterday. And not a child anymore. This is a scary feeling. When I was young, I was so excited to go to college. And now when its getting over, I am scared of the life ahead. I know, my life has just begun, as every grey-haired person tells me. But, Life so far, has showed me the differences between good and bad. and Also, taught me that- life's not gonna be easy. 

I am excited to know, what's going to happen. What am I going to become. Whether I be able to achieve what I desire and aim to be.

Its just a feeling, and a bad time I am going through. Time is not flying, because things are good. 

I think, now its the time to take a deep breath. And introspect more.  

P.s.- I couldn't say anything on my farewell day, but I wanted to say. Thanks all of you for being there for me. You shall be missed. And those days, might be experienced once again, if we are together. 

Can we really change the world?

I have entered in my 20's, and am gradually realizing how imperfect the world is. And, we all try to change the things around us constantly, one after the other. We nag, we crib and we dislike the surroundings. Its natural. We all have faced this. We don't like the injustice happening to the just people. We don't like the way court delays the justice. We crib about the way government rules. We nag about the people in authority. We display antipathy towards our neighbors of some stupid reason of the music being played loudly, We mock at the local police. We disapprove of the way traffic rules being broken. We detest ourselves from the people we find are mean and selfish or egoistic. What are we doing exactly? And why are we enraged to see the wrongs happening around us. Okay, I understand we are the youth of the country ,and our blood boils at 100 degrees Celsius at the sight of unjustness around us. But, Could we actually change anything? 

More than six decades have passed since the time our country got its freedom from the invaders. Why does the corruption still exist? Why are the cricket matches fixed? Why do women still abhor to walk on the streets late night? Why are the murders, rapes, robberies taking place everywhere?

From your busy lives, take a moment and give a thought, Are we really free? And where are we heading towards? Can't we do anything to change this? Yes, we can protest, we can shout, we can write, We can also cry, or we can sit idle and chit-chat about it during our coffee-breaks. But, the million dollar question is- Can we really change something? 

We blame our Prime- minister, home-minister, finance minister, railway minister, chief- minister and all the various people up ruling our country and keep cursing them day and night. We curse everyone, we curse our society for the orthodox rules they follow. We blame our friends for egotism. We blame media. We blame our teachers for not completing our syllabi on time. We blame our parents to not give us that expensive cell-phone our friend has. And we are so scared to take the blames over ourselves.Yes, its true, We never take the blames on ourselves. I read a nice quotation saying - "shift the blames to someone else, and move on".  Ha, How true. But do we really move on?

Jessica Lall, Aarushi Talwar, Radhika Tanwar, and many more lives have been sacrificed without any reason, Right from deaths out of terrorists attacks to the natural calamities, We haven't been able to prevent anything. We can be vigilant, and we can pray to our respective gods. What else can we do? Of course, each of us will die someday. But who has given the rights to these devilish people, who think they can kill the innocents and get away like that. 

My point is- Somewhere, we all are responsible, as the citizens of this country. For once, held yourself responsible in the wrongs around you, Take the blame over yourself, and try to change 'you'. We all know, we can't really change anything on a big scale, But we try. This caption over "Leaders For Tomorrow"( A major youth NGO) tee says-" Lets change the world". I would love to see it as, "Lets change ourselves, world will take its care itself." Therefore, If we change ourselves, and keep changing ourselves according to the situations constantly, world for us would/can be a better place to live in, Because, It is in our own hands to change ourselves!

Stay responsible, everything will fall in place.

An ode to the times lost.

You were so precious to me, more than anything else.

I don't know why did you go?

I told you all the tit-bits of my life, And now.. we behave like any other acquaintance.

Something must be wrong at your end, and something at my end, I'm sure..

You were so close to me,

You were..

my guide,

my friend,

my relative,

my savior,

my solution,

my secret- bearer.

My life depended on you.

I needed you to take a step ahead.

When I came here, to this alien land,

I was relieved to know, that you were here.

But I don't know,

And I can't understand how things changed.

And why things changed?

I trusted you with my heart.

You were dearest to me, if not to anyone else,

Didn't you ever feel, you were important to me?

Didn't you ever miss me?

Why did you chose to leave me?

Wasn't I worth of you?

Did I do you any harm?

Why? WHY? I OFTEN ASK MYSELF,

And knowing it, that times can never be same,

Because we have departed, once! 

You were like a mirror to me,

I could see my real self into you,

and now, that we have scattered,each broken part can never be stuck together.

I miss you,

and the times we have lost behind.

I accuse myself.

And I still love you,

without letting you know.

P.S- Its an ode to all the special life people in my life, with whom I grew up, but are not together , or aren't that close in my today.

Dear Valentine, Beware!

On this day of love,

when love is in the air,

and people in love,

are pouring their hearts out.

I, desolate.. but happy,

after realizing love,

is not that we fancy, But

Love is a gamble.

It is not about making castles,

and going gaga about.

It is all about making sacrifices,

and being faithful.

It is dark,

It is a hope,

It is an ostentation,

It is love,

Oh, What a grave and passionate obsession!

Love is like a rose,

but not a bed of roses.

So, Dear Valentine,

Think before you let your feelings flow.

Love or Hate?

One life to love,

One life to hate,

And I choose love over hate.

Life do gives us chance,

And what we do?

We defenestrate those chances,

And crib,

crib about our only life!

How do we live?

Its better to die,

And

never cry!

Because 

When we drop our tears,

We look weak.

Only life to love,

Only life to hate,

And I will always choose love over hate!

P.S.- Like any other native of this country, I dream to eradicate hatred and spread love! And want people to stop cribbing about their lives, and accept the way god has made them! That gives satisfaction, And satisfaction always and always brings peace. And if one is at peace, He/she ll always spread love and no hatred!

What do you choose?

Face "not matching" psyche

She smiles,

she is happy,

she is jocular,

she is lovable,

she is surrounded,

but..

something is wrong,

something is unsaid,

Her inner turmoil is known only to her,

she refuses to share,

she can't speak her heart,

she cant drop her pearly tears,

perhaps,she is

a destitute

a desolate

the withdrawn

the secluded...

:(((