I can't breakfree.

Trapped,

Chained in the opinions,

keys lost

I can't breakfree.

Affected,

living with thyself,

unwanted,

I can't breakfree.

Tempted to go back,

I can't decide,

A tune in my head,

I can't breakfree.

Dragged by emotions,

unable to face the truth,

crafting the patterns,

I can't breakfree. 

Restlessness,

Peace of mind lost,

so used,

I can't breakfree.

All lost,

noone to hold onto,

none to fall-back on,

unable to trust,

I can't breakfree. 

Negating emotional self.

I thought of myself as an emotional creature. 

Because people around called me emotional. 

ONLY, emotional. 

But more I think about it, 

I am surprised by the fact, that I am not.

I don't know why people always 

saw me as someone who 

is just made up of heap of emotions.

I am emotional at a very basic level. 

I don't feel all the emotions.

I am a human being,

discovering myself at every level.

I am more than emotions. 

I don't even feel a million things.

I don't even understand emotions.

May be my emotions were nothing,

but a social construct. 

It's okay to cry.

When fears block the sight,

and nightmares chase all night,

It's okay to cry.

When you look a little fat,

and relatives tease you all the while,

It's okay to cry.

When grades fall suddenly,

and you seem to understand nothing,

It's okay to cry.

When friends don't understand,

and judge you and despise you,

It's okay to cry.

When god seems to shower all that you don't want,

and life takes a jerky turn,

It's okay to cry.

When money finishes, 

and the month end is twenty days away,

It's okay to cry.

When you bear a pimple on the same day,

that you've bought that expensive dress for,

It's okay to cry.

It's okay to cry,

But, cry to yourself,

and learn from the mistakes.

Change begins...

I wanted to be here. And I'm here,

I fashioned this course. I got it.

But... but... desires don't stop here.

There's something more I want now. 

I'm here. 

Perhaps, to make the best of my years.

And I will. 

Bengalooru, I am gleed to be here. 

How ironic?

Most of the time, the person we were closest to,
whom we entitled our secret-bearer,
in front of whom we laid our hearts on the wishful trays,
with whom, we could share something as personal as passwords.


Ironically, turns out to be the person who is a complete stranger today,
And mind you, Stranger with the hard feelings and a challenging level of discomfort. 
(of course, these days google can help you find the person's whereabouts).

TIP: Staying extra- close to anyone is contagious to the relationships.

On observing the type of relationships around, I found out and came to the conclusion that a lot of people are breaking up 'coz they have nothing left to talk about. The future of those couples is then anticipated to break up, for there is nothing left to share. And then, the relationship is doomed forever. 

Then why say, "Forever"?

Who has invented this word "forever"? Is there anything like "forever"? 


Forever. When someone says, "You are my friend forever"! Does that mean, that XYZ person is not going to leave you alone ever? Really? And when these two friends fight over some stupid shit, and they cry over each other's egotism, that "forever" is lost forever. 


Who/what is going to be with us forever, till death sets us apart? Any idea? Please tell me? 


"Love you forever", "friends forever", are such messages, that I find super- irritating. It's all over Facebook and other social networking sites. Under every hot-shot picture, flooded in the comments. I can't even take it when any of my friends say "love you", like that. Can't we save these words for that someone special or anyone for whom we really mean? Why everyone? 


Forever? D'oh. Everyone comes in our life, some stay for good, some stay to make life more miserable. But the common thing that follows is, they all leave. They promise each other to stay together forever. But we all know, that is not the truth. 


Go back to your sweet childhood days, and spare a moment to think about the people you have left behind till now.  Each class, new best friend? LOL. We make best friend each year, break up each year? Why? Why make best friends then? 


Life is short, we all know that. Yet, there's no one that lives with us forever. 
Everyone breaks that promise of staying together forever. No doubt, most of the people break our trust on the way. And some people just die. And then, separation becomes inevitable. 


Please stop using the word "forever", for it gives me hope about the person- which tears me apart, when broken?  Why can't all the relationships start with a guarantee card? 


What do you say now about "forever"? Anyone for "forever"? 


In this walk of life, we meet some good people whom we love deeply. We also meet some people who do no good. But the important thing is, we learn a new lesson from everyone we come across. One should never forget the lessons learnt, even if that person doesn't stay in your life. Remember to remember the lesson. That's the way we move ahead in life. :) 

What is beauty to you?

Few days ago, A strange incident took place. It might not look strange to you. But I had issues dealing with it. 

I was standing with an aunt in the neighbourhood garden, among lush greens, and vast varieties of tress and plants. Lot of insects, and little creatures were seen from time to time. A not-so-attractive lizard appeared, and aunt immediately shouted,"this is an ugly lizard, it must be venomous". I did not react. But the incident kept striking me again and again. It has reasons.

Number one reason being, she connected ugliness with venom? Lets be clear here, not every creature is pretty and good-looking. Does that mean, that they are poisonous, or harmful. There are many good-looking creatures, who are of no worth to the society. I don't understand. Does our brains accept only white beautiful people? Did that aunt expect lizard to be snazzy and glamorous? Lizard is ugly, therefore it contains venom. Weird? And what about us, human beings, who are not pretty? Are we venomous too? 

Think about it. 

World preaches beauty. Television displays all the pretty white faces with the accurate shapes and sizes. The world is not so perfect that is shown on our television sets, only if we understand this. We have imperfections. And we should be proud of it. Where will the fun factor be, and self improvement part be, if we all were born perfect. Why aren't imperfect faces ever applauded? 

Blackness has always been associated with evil, venom, and everyone wants the fair skinned companion. Isn't that strange? Yes, it is. Can't people with black skin be good companions? All of us have been created by god. We have distinguished features. Different color, different sizes? What is the problem then? Don't we have the right to be treated equally? Why is black considered to be evil? And why are ugly people considered to be savages? Each of the creature- human being or an animal, has the right to live,till his death sets him apart. Who are these pretty people, who can deny them a worthy life? 

Beauty is transient. It will go away, with time. Then? Are we living in a world, where only pretty faces are capable of making good friends? 

Do you all need pretty- faced people to get clicked with, to call them "friends", and to display it on face book and other social networking sites?  I've heard from somewhere that in colleges, they prefer to give away admissions to the beautiful people without looking into their calibres, who are least deserving? Ugly faces are not taken by good families for marriage prospects? Are those families really "good families" who mercilessly rejects the not-so-good looking faces to enter in their bloodlines, however ugly their boy might be. Does these kind of faces not make good couples? I can put down so many more examples here, where beautiful people can go on, and not-so-beautiful can't.

P.S.- I understand, aunt talked about lizard being ugly and venomous. But the concepts of beauty are deeply rooted in the our society that discriminates everyone on something or the other. They don't even spare lizards. How does it matter to her? 

My message to the people who were ever demeaned because of their beauty (esp for girls) :

Don't ever think you are not beautiful. You are. However, dishevelled state you are in. You always look beautiful.

You are capable of achieving everything in the world, that you dream for yourself.

Never let anyone put you down. Build your self confidence brick by brick each day. 

And never forget, Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. 

And dear beauty appreciators, if you are so keen to applaud physical beauty, and your eyes cant stand imperfections, look around and praise the beauty of nature. The purest form of beauty. There's is nothing so perfect and beautiful like nature. 

An illusion of a perfect life.

Things can never be perfect,

As we want them to be.

As we imagine.

As we dream. 

However,

to lead a happy and a peaceful life ,

We can live in an illusion,

of everything being perfect.

We can hide our sorrows,

behind our glamourous smiles.

We can cry,

but call them "blissful tears".

We cannot run away from problems.

We cannot jump to the conclusions.

We cannot foresee our future.

We have to wait. 

And to wait, Its important to live in illusions.

I do.

I wish,

We could be born flawless,

like the unbroken petals of rose. 

I wish,

nothing would matter, except the hearts. 

*the most valuable- heart*

And today,

Everything else matters, but the heart? Ha! 

*who cares*

Can we really change the world?

I have entered in my 20's, and am gradually realizing how imperfect the world is. And, we all try to change the things around us constantly, one after the other. We nag, we crib and we dislike the surroundings. Its natural. We all have faced this. We don't like the injustice happening to the just people. We don't like the way court delays the justice. We crib about the way government rules. We nag about the people in authority. We display antipathy towards our neighbors of some stupid reason of the music being played loudly, We mock at the local police. We disapprove of the way traffic rules being broken. We detest ourselves from the people we find are mean and selfish or egoistic. What are we doing exactly? And why are we enraged to see the wrongs happening around us. Okay, I understand we are the youth of the country ,and our blood boils at 100 degrees Celsius at the sight of unjustness around us. But, Could we actually change anything? 

More than six decades have passed since the time our country got its freedom from the invaders. Why does the corruption still exist? Why are the cricket matches fixed? Why do women still abhor to walk on the streets late night? Why are the murders, rapes, robberies taking place everywhere?

From your busy lives, take a moment and give a thought, Are we really free? And where are we heading towards? Can't we do anything to change this? Yes, we can protest, we can shout, we can write, We can also cry, or we can sit idle and chit-chat about it during our coffee-breaks. But, the million dollar question is- Can we really change something? 

We blame our Prime- minister, home-minister, finance minister, railway minister, chief- minister and all the various people up ruling our country and keep cursing them day and night. We curse everyone, we curse our society for the orthodox rules they follow. We blame our friends for egotism. We blame media. We blame our teachers for not completing our syllabi on time. We blame our parents to not give us that expensive cell-phone our friend has. And we are so scared to take the blames over ourselves.Yes, its true, We never take the blames on ourselves. I read a nice quotation saying - "shift the blames to someone else, and move on".  Ha, How true. But do we really move on?

Jessica Lall, Aarushi Talwar, Radhika Tanwar, and many more lives have been sacrificed without any reason, Right from deaths out of terrorists attacks to the natural calamities, We haven't been able to prevent anything. We can be vigilant, and we can pray to our respective gods. What else can we do? Of course, each of us will die someday. But who has given the rights to these devilish people, who think they can kill the innocents and get away like that. 

My point is- Somewhere, we all are responsible, as the citizens of this country. For once, held yourself responsible in the wrongs around you, Take the blame over yourself, and try to change 'you'. We all know, we can't really change anything on a big scale, But we try. This caption over "Leaders For Tomorrow"( A major youth NGO) tee says-" Lets change the world". I would love to see it as, "Lets change ourselves, world will take its care itself." Therefore, If we change ourselves, and keep changing ourselves according to the situations constantly, world for us would/can be a better place to live in, Because, It is in our own hands to change ourselves!

Stay responsible, everything will fall in place.

An ode to the times lost.

You were so precious to me, more than anything else.

I don't know why did you go?

I told you all the tit-bits of my life, And now.. we behave like any other acquaintance.

Something must be wrong at your end, and something at my end, I'm sure..

You were so close to me,

You were..

my guide,

my friend,

my relative,

my savior,

my solution,

my secret- bearer.

My life depended on you.

I needed you to take a step ahead.

When I came here, to this alien land,

I was relieved to know, that you were here.

But I don't know,

And I can't understand how things changed.

And why things changed?

I trusted you with my heart.

You were dearest to me, if not to anyone else,

Didn't you ever feel, you were important to me?

Didn't you ever miss me?

Why did you chose to leave me?

Wasn't I worth of you?

Did I do you any harm?

Why? WHY? I OFTEN ASK MYSELF,

And knowing it, that times can never be same,

Because we have departed, once! 

You were like a mirror to me,

I could see my real self into you,

and now, that we have scattered,each broken part can never be stuck together.

I miss you,

and the times we have lost behind.

I accuse myself.

And I still love you,

without letting you know.

P.S- Its an ode to all the special life people in my life, with whom I grew up, but are not together , or aren't that close in my today.

A "metropolitan" woman.

Behold,
As there she is,
A woman,
Independent,
Beautiful, benign and bold,
Yet, fragile in her ways,
Walking high on her heels,
Her bangles and danglers decking her,
Like stars embellishing the dark night.

Sensuous are her moves,
And what loaded, assertive words and decree,
Are pronounced by that,
Rosy, nonchalant, gum chewing mouth.

Sensitive and childlike is she,
Yet full of substance, power and might,
With an urge to soar high,
Up in the sky. She is,
Capable of shaking 'Mount Olympus'.
Raising her voice, glorifying her passions,
And like never before,
Rising above and beyond the reach of 'MEN'.

Sophisticated and educated is she,
Which the patriarchal world never wanted her to be,
She takes her decisions and,
Decides the course of her life,
She has faith, she has trust,
In no one else, But in her.
Simple,Sensible yet Sacrificing is she,
A Charming, coquettish fighter is she,
She can no longer be ignored,
Oh, no more can she escape your attention,

Behold,
For she has arrived,
To leave you men gawking at her,
With your jaws dropped down low,
Yes, she is the new-age woman,
The 'metropolitan'' woman,
Following the footsteps of 'Draupadi',
But certainly not walking in her shoes.

Dear Valentine, Beware!

On this day of love,

when love is in the air,

and people in love,

are pouring their hearts out.

I, desolate.. but happy,

after realizing love,

is not that we fancy, But

Love is a gamble.

It is not about making castles,

and going gaga about.

It is all about making sacrifices,

and being faithful.

It is dark,

It is a hope,

It is an ostentation,

It is love,

Oh, What a grave and passionate obsession!

Love is like a rose,

but not a bed of roses.

So, Dear Valentine,

Think before you let your feelings flow.

BREAKFREE -

Its my habit to juggle with dates, and relate everything of my past, in present according to dates. I think, its not only me who keep fighting with dates, But all the other people of my age can relate themselves to this peculiar habit of mine. 

I was extremely troubled 'coz of this habit. And, if you (whosoever is reading) follows my blog, must know that my dadaji expired on 7th July'05. And my birthday falls on 9th July. I kept this hidden from the world about why I am sad on my birthday for no reasons, and kept cursing it. So far, Many people have tried making it special, But I don't accept it that way. I keep crying, and mood swings carry on for another week. Its always a bad day,

rather the worst week during the year, simply because I don't want to be happy.

Times have past. And Its hard to accept the realities of life, esp Deaths, not only for me, but most of the people.

Only yesterday, I recalled something- My dad told me few days back, He loves my birthday, and it is the only date he can't forget ever in his life because I was born! And today I realize, When he can let go his elegiac sorrows for my happiness, Why do I hold onto things so firmly, and not letting it go off!

With time, I have become rigid. I don't let go off things easily. 

I realize, When we lose one person we love deeply, We hold onto every person in our lives firmly, so that we don't lose another loved one!

I feel better now.

=PEACE