Pearls and their value.

I had always chased after pearls,

fought to get them,

i got them, but, 

out of all the pearls i had,

lost, and 

gained, 

Explained by many, that,

pearls are precious to keep,

but i lost,

one after the other,
reason being, 

my carelessness, and faithless-ness,

but the time has come,

when i dont want 

pearls,

 not because they are expensive,

but priceless. 

Dear Rye,

Since the time you are gone, I have known how important you were to me. Don't take me wrong- It's not like, I didn't think of you as important at that point of time when we were together... but yeah, we do take friends for granted at times, and so did I. 

I miss the times we spent together. Talking, watching, eating, and again talking. The first time I experimented maggi with a different flavour was you. The first time I had a friend who looked through my photographs to understand what I am trying to say. The first TV show I'd fallen in love with while watching it with you. You were such a friend. Amidst the lot of people I have in my life, you held a different place altogether. I don't know if you would believe me or no, or if its too late to say, but I really miss you. I missed you on my birthday. A lot. 

You are one friend I'd wish to get married before me. You are one friend I'd want to see your name on the large screen. You're one friend I wish never fell sick, because I know what you go through when you are in pain and how it breaks your momentum in work. You're one friend who understood my girly needs. You're someone possesive and equally caring when it comes to me. 

You were someone who would want to look into my photographs, and would see all the drafts till the time it came out to be perfect.

What you meant to me, is something I can explain by not being able to find anyone like you and what all you did for me. I am happy for whatever you are doing now, and how you choose your life to be. I miss you. I miss your paparazzi-type-taking-photo-mode. I miss you when I want to eat Maggi. I miss you when I have noone to watch tv show seasons all in a night and then discuss it. I miss the way I was with you.  

I can't breakfree.

Trapped,

Chained in the opinions,

keys lost

I can't breakfree.

Affected,

living with thyself,

unwanted,

I can't breakfree.

Tempted to go back,

I can't decide,

A tune in my head,

I can't breakfree.

Dragged by emotions,

unable to face the truth,

crafting the patterns,

I can't breakfree. 

Restlessness,

Peace of mind lost,

so used,

I can't breakfree.

All lost,

noone to hold onto,

none to fall-back on,

unable to trust,

I can't breakfree. 

Nothing can be done.

Butterflies,

gush of blood,

soothing after effect,

almost magical.

What you said, 

was not supposed to happen,

has now 

already happened. 

It had to lead this way,

you knew it,

we knew it,

yet, it bruises me. 

It happened,

and,

Nothing can be done,

about it.

It was something more than this? 

We all want to believe that.

But I have nothing to believe,

nothing to hold on to. 

Perhaps,

I can rely on,

my butterflies,

gush of blood un-felt,

things unspoken,

and my small fancy world,

where reside you and I. 

An excerpt...

"Knowing the nuanced details of someone’s life.
Knowing that you mean the world to him. 
Knowing that he would never ever let you go. 
Knowing that happiness became synonyms with him. 
Knowing that all my friends have accepted him as my better half. 
Everything just felt right. 
Knowing the cons of his personality. 
I kept faith in him. 
Highest level of faith that I could ever keep in someone."

Being a child.

Have you ever thought of being a child again? After we grow up, we tend to lose that innocence, and that charm any young child is born with. In that stage, he's not aware of the worldly concerns, and can do whatever he likes according to his wishes. He is pampered and blessed with whatever he wants. Every parent gives the best to their children, and no one can deny this. 


Thanks to the "Performance studies" class, I got a license to be the child. On the streets. In the open spaces. Without giving a damn about what people would think about me. What I felt and went through during that hour, cannot be explained in mere words. But I still want to give a try.


One thing is for sure, No one can bare us for a longer time if we behave "childish" except- parents. That's the beauty of parents. We always remain kids for them, however old we grow. And when I went about the streets acting "childish", ofcourse I got all the attention. People were gazing at me as if I have passed out. Kids do random things, perhaps I was acting like one. And it was not difficult. We have been kids at one point of time. We have lived that phase. Just have to re-live that phase. It comes naturally, without pretending- if we stop caring about people around us would think about us. 


I was playing with windmill toy in one hand. And ate lollipop with the another. Jumped. From one bench to another. Forced myself to hang on trees. Shouted "aeroplane", after seeing the plane flying up in the sky. Shouted, "mumma yeh chahie, papa woh chahie". Danced. Had fun. Put a flower in my hair. All random things. I have never ever done such things in public ever before. To be whatever you want to be. Isn't it great? What better than just being a child?


How I interacted with public spaces was fascinating. I had to do nothing. No talking. Just BE in the role. Everybody was puzzled and they looked at me as if I had turned insane. And I didn't care. The best part was that, I was not suppose to care. 


Can you try this kind of activity sometime with your own set of friends? And choose whatever character you want to play, without caring of whatever the world will think about you?


Being a child refreshed me. Gave me good vibes. And reminded me of my own golden childhood. What a day!! :)) 

On missing home-made food.

The home-made sweets,

                                              that maa- You sent to me,

I devour a bite, and keep the rest inside,

like a treasure,

Nothing tastes like the food you made,

Nothing at all.

Irreparable time.

Time flies. 

It does. But when in pain, Time doesn't seem to fly. Why is it when, we are happy and spend the good time, we don't realize the amount of time spent. But when we are suffering or in some deep shit, we see our watch after every minute.

My college is getting over- hopefully, if I pass. Of course, I spent the awesome time there. I know, time can never come back.  But, when I look back into the time, I realize- I've changed tremendously, and So does my thinking line. 

There are numerous people I held responsible for making me whatever I am. Yes, I have realized- I am something. Most importantly. College days have empowered me, encouraged me and changed me. I shall never forget the days I spent in that vicinity. The college became special, because of the friends and teachers who taught me. It wouldn't be same, if anyone of these would be missing. I won't name here. But people who read this, are of course the major part of my college days. I've learnt a great deal from all of them.

Sometimes, I wonder- Where I would be without college,when it gets over. No answer echoes back to me. I don't know. I might do good in life, or it can be other way also. Undecided of the admissions, *vexed* It is a strange feeling. Exams are just around the corner. And I should have been studying big time, day and night. But I am pouring out my heart here. 

I am not ready to believe I have grown up. Like what?  I was a kid, a child yesterday. And not a child anymore. This is a scary feeling. When I was young, I was so excited to go to college. And now when its getting over, I am scared of the life ahead. I know, my life has just begun, as every grey-haired person tells me. But, Life so far, has showed me the differences between good and bad. and Also, taught me that- life's not gonna be easy. 

I am excited to know, what's going to happen. What am I going to become. Whether I be able to achieve what I desire and aim to be.

Its just a feeling, and a bad time I am going through. Time is not flying, because things are good. 

I think, now its the time to take a deep breath. And introspect more.  

P.s.- I couldn't say anything on my farewell day, but I wanted to say. Thanks all of you for being there for me. You shall be missed. And those days, might be experienced once again, if we are together. 

An ode to the times lost.

You were so precious to me, more than anything else.

I don't know why did you go?

I told you all the tit-bits of my life, And now.. we behave like any other acquaintance.

Something must be wrong at your end, and something at my end, I'm sure..

You were so close to me,

You were..

my guide,

my friend,

my relative,

my savior,

my solution,

my secret- bearer.

My life depended on you.

I needed you to take a step ahead.

When I came here, to this alien land,

I was relieved to know, that you were here.

But I don't know,

And I can't understand how things changed.

And why things changed?

I trusted you with my heart.

You were dearest to me, if not to anyone else,

Didn't you ever feel, you were important to me?

Didn't you ever miss me?

Why did you chose to leave me?

Wasn't I worth of you?

Did I do you any harm?

Why? WHY? I OFTEN ASK MYSELF,

And knowing it, that times can never be same,

Because we have departed, once! 

You were like a mirror to me,

I could see my real self into you,

and now, that we have scattered,each broken part can never be stuck together.

I miss you,

and the times we have lost behind.

I accuse myself.

And I still love you,

without letting you know.

P.S- Its an ode to all the special life people in my life, with whom I grew up, but are not together , or aren't that close in my today.

An ode to my college

I knew, I was late,

I rushed in through the gate,

The watchman passed a grin,

asked for my identity to let me in.

My half preoccupied in the contemplation of an excuse,

and the other, in praying my own personal muse.

While I plaited my hair, and creased my shirt,

My eyes fell upon the surrounding free of dirt.

It was unusual that I stopped,

To caress the splendid lush greens,

the bright flowers that were cropped,

under the sky calm and clean.

My heart thralled in joy,

to acknowledge the beauty unseen,

There, I sat down on the bench to enjoy,

without realizing the minutes nineteen.

My sight fell upon the bunch of girls,

vociferating a birthday song,

and clicked the smiles and their curls,

forgetting all about the rights and the wrongs.

My throat choked by the tearing pain,

When I realized the time that can never come again,

to leave this place forever,

that I revered with intense fervor.

The boundless support of teachers,

Astounding memories with friends,

Incredible unity among class-fellows,

And the scenic beauty in the vicinity,

is the most unforgettable part

in the course of my three years!