BREAKFREE -

Its my habit to juggle with dates, and relate everything of my past, in present according to dates. I think, its not only me who keep fighting with dates, But all the other people of my age can relate themselves to this peculiar habit of mine. 

I was extremely troubled 'coz of this habit. And, if you (whosoever is reading) follows my blog, must know that my dadaji expired on 7th July'05. And my birthday falls on 9th July. I kept this hidden from the world about why I am sad on my birthday for no reasons, and kept cursing it. So far, Many people have tried making it special, But I don't accept it that way. I keep crying, and mood swings carry on for another week. Its always a bad day,

rather the worst week during the year, simply because I don't want to be happy.

Times have past. And Its hard to accept the realities of life, esp Deaths, not only for me, but most of the people.

Only yesterday, I recalled something- My dad told me few days back, He loves my birthday, and it is the only date he can't forget ever in his life because I was born! And today I realize, When he can let go his elegiac sorrows for my happiness, Why do I hold onto things so firmly, and not letting it go off!

With time, I have become rigid. I don't let go off things easily. 

I realize, When we lose one person we love deeply, We hold onto every person in our lives firmly, so that we don't lose another loved one!

I feel better now.

=PEACE

Felt elegaic

It was Eid-ul-fitr, Saturday.. and a holiday! I woke up around 8am ; I believed it to be a day normal as other days were.. but it wasn't the same. There was a hustle bustle in and around my home, some expected guests arrived. 

At around 10am, i recieved a message- "****** is no more" , she was my classmate cum friend and to recieve such a message.. i was stupified,  It seemed ,I had lost my senses for another few minutes.. I wasn't crying initially.. but it bewildered me.. I couldn't believe my eyes.. I deleted the message the very next moment, Words were rolled up in my mouth itself, It was the most shocking message of my life till now. So many questions kept popping up in my mind.. and all the times i had spent with her, kept flashing in and out. I couldn't believe.. I cried.. I cried aloud !

I know deaths are inevitable, and uncertain too.. We all know that , we all will die one day.. but, yet we feel a difficulty to accept it.. there are some people without whom our existence seems impossible.. Thousands of people die everyday.. We read about them and we forget.. Life encircles around death every moment.. and we cannot do anything about it. 

Nobody knows, when one is gonna bowled out. Grief follows. Every person is special for someone or the other.. Yet, life goes on.. people learn to live without them.. 

I, personally, felt a thunderstruck, when i realised that, we are never gonna see her again.. ever..ever.. ever.. nothing seemed to please me.. 

"mourns, mourns, mourns"