... dear moon

While walking under the street lights,

following my own silhoutte,

shooing away cockroaches, listening to lizardous music,

fiddling with my phone,

I sneezed. 

I sneezed and looked up in the sky,

and the celestial body attached with the black cloth,

black, dark and infinite.

And cockroaches, phone forgotten

The thought struck me,

if I could dance with you, 

on the lonesome road,

and like I won't point at your flaws,

you shouldn't too.

Dear moon.

I don't want you to judge me,

and make faces while I dance. While,

the music would be composed by cockroaches,

and humming of flies,

and ringtone of the phone,

and lizards cheering, 

because we are together. 

Have you being taken granted for?

Love offers you a feeling of security. A security that makes your life worth living. It gives you reasons to make someone smile on a regular basis. It's great to have someone love you back. Someone whom you can take granted for, only because you are sure of the love you showered them with. 

Being taken granted for is generally associated with negativity, but I think it's a great feeling. Someone who takes you for granted would always come back to you, because you offer them something not everyone in the world can offer. I can be a bit preachy in my writing style, ignore to notice that. But what I'm trying to say is, I know we hate being taken for granted, and at the same time it's a great feeling when you know that you'd be approached for something only can offer. It's sad when you are in it, but it feels great when you look back at it. 

There are people I've taken granted for. People generally can't bear that feeling, so they leave. So, only my family and a few of the friends has stood by my side, even when I take them for granted. They make me feel secured. Sometimes, I feel guilty that I make them go through so much of shit. Sometimes, its annoying while sometimes- it's just love. 

Found poetry.

Found this poem in my last year books. Today, this poetry makes so much sense. 


To be honest, I don't remember if this is written by me, or no... but it felt like a REAL treasure when I found it right now. 

koshish thi ki khud se jeetun,

par main khud se haar gayi.

kya isse kahu main haar gayi,

jab uss pyaar se haar gayi.

kahin agar main usse ek manzil,

toh uss manzil se haar gayi.

par himmat na haari maine,

aur har mushkil ko paar kiya,

woh shayad ek seedi tha,

manzil ka jisko darja diya,

kathinaayian ki har seedi chadkar,

aaj main baazi maar gayi. 

My persistent smile.

I smile,

I smile all the time,


I smile when I'm tired,
I smile when I don't like anything,
I smile when people ignore me,
I smile when I'm sad,
I smile when I look myself in the mirror,
I smile when I fall,
I smile when I am fired,
I smile when people judge me,


But that doesnt mean,
I don't feel different emotions,
though people won't believe.


Because I smile,
and let it go.
Because I ignore,
and let it go.


Two-faced I am,
because I smile, 
and hide other side. 

Very less people know, 
what it takes a person to smile all the time, 
and to hide the pain behind the smile. 

My tiny sister- Sanvi.

The sight of Sanvi, 

fills me with joy and content.

Her tiny fingers and palms,

that holds my thumb

in her own gentle ways,

and her gorgeous smile

could just make up for the 

most melancholy day,

And the way she digs her head 

when i pick her up in my arms,

and tickles on my shoulder,

and refuses to go.

she moulds herself accordingly

when I embrace her in my arms,

she feels happy and cozy, 

she plays with her thumb,

and twists her neck,

she cries in real for sometime,

and sometimes, she cries to cry.

She smirks, she chides,

for those who can understand her.

P.S.- Sanvi is my cousin sister who is 21 years younger  to me. Her fourth monthly birthday just went away two days back. She lights up my days when I meet her.


Babies are the purest form of human beings. They are not pretentious. They have the liberty to say whatever they like. 

Being a child.

Have you ever thought of being a child again? After we grow up, we tend to lose that innocence, and that charm any young child is born with. In that stage, he's not aware of the worldly concerns, and can do whatever he likes according to his wishes. He is pampered and blessed with whatever he wants. Every parent gives the best to their children, and no one can deny this. 


Thanks to the "Performance studies" class, I got a license to be the child. On the streets. In the open spaces. Without giving a damn about what people would think about me. What I felt and went through during that hour, cannot be explained in mere words. But I still want to give a try.


One thing is for sure, No one can bare us for a longer time if we behave "childish" except- parents. That's the beauty of parents. We always remain kids for them, however old we grow. And when I went about the streets acting "childish", ofcourse I got all the attention. People were gazing at me as if I have passed out. Kids do random things, perhaps I was acting like one. And it was not difficult. We have been kids at one point of time. We have lived that phase. Just have to re-live that phase. It comes naturally, without pretending- if we stop caring about people around us would think about us. 


I was playing with windmill toy in one hand. And ate lollipop with the another. Jumped. From one bench to another. Forced myself to hang on trees. Shouted "aeroplane", after seeing the plane flying up in the sky. Shouted, "mumma yeh chahie, papa woh chahie". Danced. Had fun. Put a flower in my hair. All random things. I have never ever done such things in public ever before. To be whatever you want to be. Isn't it great? What better than just being a child?


How I interacted with public spaces was fascinating. I had to do nothing. No talking. Just BE in the role. Everybody was puzzled and they looked at me as if I had turned insane. And I didn't care. The best part was that, I was not suppose to care. 


Can you try this kind of activity sometime with your own set of friends? And choose whatever character you want to play, without caring of whatever the world will think about you?


Being a child refreshed me. Gave me good vibes. And reminded me of my own golden childhood. What a day!! :)) 

The essence of rain.

"By far, the vault of heaven is overly impregnated with massive clouds, that are similar to the gleam of blackish - cotuses... somewhere- they are similar to the glitter of the heaps of well- kneaded blackish mascara... and elsewhere they glisten like the blackened nipples of the bosoms of pregnant women, ready to rain the elixir of lie on the lips of her offspring, when that offspring is actualised... "- Kalidasa

It was late evening today. I was returning back from a shopping complex after meeting my friend. We bid off adieus. The black clouds were visible and soon it started drizzling. I waited for sometime under the shed, but as it was getting darker. I had to reach home. And I had to drive my bike back to home.

I was alone. And it rained. Heavily.

I started to drive. I couldn't wait. Rainy season is my favourite season. And it was a chance get wet in rain, that my mommy usually doesn't let me, because she is scared to see to ill, like all other moms. Perhaps, I couldn't miss this chance. I drove. At first, slowly. Rain drops fell over me, like they were pampering me with love and affection. Then I geared up and achieved some thrill in the speed. And then, rain drops hit me hard on my face and my bare hands. I was drenched in rain water already, and my hair stuck to my forehead. My eyelids shut on its own, because it was raining cats and dogs. I stopped for a while, after finding the corner on the road, and wore a helmet. It prevented me from getting water in my eyes. And then, I drove safely with my eyes wide open.

I drove back home through the meandering ways. Balancing bike was a tough job even more when roads are divided by numerous holes filled with water. These holes create water logging problems severely. I banged into the main door hurriedly as soon as I touched the border of my home. Parked my bike in the garage, freed myself from the helmet. And I rushed back into the rain. Again.

I felt rain. Everywhere. I believe in one of my philosophies sternly. It is- 'when it rains, someone up there, is either very happy because of me, or extremely sad because of me', And today, I felt the happiness that I might have given someone. May be. But when I stretched my neck up towards the sky, and felt the rain drops over my face, I felt bliss. It felt heavenly. Something that I was missing out. Realizing that I have made someone feel happy(according to my philosophy), opened every pore of my skin. It was mesmerising to experience that blissful moment, along with the fragrance of the wet mud. I opened my arms and felt raindrops on my rosy palms, wrist, hands, and on my gapped teeth. And then, my phone suddenly rung with a ringtone, Ah! 'somebody's me'. It felt great. I felt rejuvenated and refreshed all over. 

Rains are god's gift to this earth. Surely the elixir of life. We are blessed. I felt blessed. I forgot all my pains, and worries, and washed them away with the rain. 

When it rains, my mind washes away all the negative thoughts. 

What is beauty to you?

Few days ago, A strange incident took place. It might not look strange to you. But I had issues dealing with it. 

I was standing with an aunt in the neighbourhood garden, among lush greens, and vast varieties of tress and plants. Lot of insects, and little creatures were seen from time to time. A not-so-attractive lizard appeared, and aunt immediately shouted,"this is an ugly lizard, it must be venomous". I did not react. But the incident kept striking me again and again. It has reasons.

Number one reason being, she connected ugliness with venom? Lets be clear here, not every creature is pretty and good-looking. Does that mean, that they are poisonous, or harmful. There are many good-looking creatures, who are of no worth to the society. I don't understand. Does our brains accept only white beautiful people? Did that aunt expect lizard to be snazzy and glamorous? Lizard is ugly, therefore it contains venom. Weird? And what about us, human beings, who are not pretty? Are we venomous too? 

Think about it. 

World preaches beauty. Television displays all the pretty white faces with the accurate shapes and sizes. The world is not so perfect that is shown on our television sets, only if we understand this. We have imperfections. And we should be proud of it. Where will the fun factor be, and self improvement part be, if we all were born perfect. Why aren't imperfect faces ever applauded? 

Blackness has always been associated with evil, venom, and everyone wants the fair skinned companion. Isn't that strange? Yes, it is. Can't people with black skin be good companions? All of us have been created by god. We have distinguished features. Different color, different sizes? What is the problem then? Don't we have the right to be treated equally? Why is black considered to be evil? And why are ugly people considered to be savages? Each of the creature- human being or an animal, has the right to live,till his death sets him apart. Who are these pretty people, who can deny them a worthy life? 

Beauty is transient. It will go away, with time. Then? Are we living in a world, where only pretty faces are capable of making good friends? 

Do you all need pretty- faced people to get clicked with, to call them "friends", and to display it on face book and other social networking sites?  I've heard from somewhere that in colleges, they prefer to give away admissions to the beautiful people without looking into their calibres, who are least deserving? Ugly faces are not taken by good families for marriage prospects? Are those families really "good families" who mercilessly rejects the not-so-good looking faces to enter in their bloodlines, however ugly their boy might be. Does these kind of faces not make good couples? I can put down so many more examples here, where beautiful people can go on, and not-so-beautiful can't.

P.S.- I understand, aunt talked about lizard being ugly and venomous. But the concepts of beauty are deeply rooted in the our society that discriminates everyone on something or the other. They don't even spare lizards. How does it matter to her? 

My message to the people who were ever demeaned because of their beauty (esp for girls) :

Don't ever think you are not beautiful. You are. However, dishevelled state you are in. You always look beautiful.

You are capable of achieving everything in the world, that you dream for yourself.

Never let anyone put you down. Build your self confidence brick by brick each day. 

And never forget, Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. 

And dear beauty appreciators, if you are so keen to applaud physical beauty, and your eyes cant stand imperfections, look around and praise the beauty of nature. The purest form of beauty. There's is nothing so perfect and beautiful like nature. 

On my visit to Behari ji's temple, in Vrindavan

It was raining heavily, to my surprise. I like rains, but this time when I had to walk bare feet from the car parking area to the temple on the muddy road with stones, I realized rains were pretty difficult to live with, for the person who uses legs to commute. It was not easy. To take an each step ahead, and put down feet in the filthy mud water, I watched my pedicured feet with a sigh. My feet looked horrible. But my granny was determined to walk bare feet and expected the same from me. (The reason to walk bare feet is simple. They say, that foot wears get stolen in the rush of that kind) I definitely didn't want to lose my Catwalk bellies. 


Somehow, we managed to get inside the temple with the flow of people getting in. The sight was terrific. People, people everywhere. And not an inch to stand. I bet, no one could get inside the crowd after coming out without the pain of being stampeded or suffocated. 


People called themselves fortunate if they chanced a single glance of the idol "behariji". The pandits opened and closed the darshan in every 20 seconds because they say,"behariji ko nazar lag jaati hai". It was fascinating to me. The temple was peculiar in shape and size. One could not say, it was a cuboidal or cubic shaped. It was wide-spread. Marble flooring was even more slippery because it was watery with the rasas of flowers and filthy water that people's feet carried. People shouted "jai" after every two minutes. And the only way one could keep satisfied standing sandwiched was, he would be lucky to see a glance of the idol. Luckily, I am tall. It was not at all difficult for me. But for my mum, who is not so tall and also thin, it was difficult to even breathe inside. She got her hair messed, and she hurt her feet and it caught bleeding. 


I had an argument with a girl, who called my mum stupid because she stamped on her feet. It was weird. In that kind of rush, how can anyone abuse of stamping of feet? My mum's feet bled. The drops fell on the marble but she kept quiet. She was determined to not look back(after I insisted her), for she wanted to see the deity and worship. However, on seeing her blood, I got a little annoyed and pissed. I could shout at her that time, but her conviction to stay-made me say nothing to her. I just wished, we got out of that rush as soon as possible.


Finally, after getting on the stairs, my mum got to see the idol completely and she was so satisfied. All that pain she suffered,seemed to vanish. With a glance of the deity, she could bear the pain with ease. 


However, we got out of the temple finally, filling our feet with the mud again. The glance of the idol was undoubtedly imprinting. A sight to see. And only today, my height proved as a bliss.


I don't know, it was very difficult to see my mum in pain of that kind, may be the least. I wished all pains were mine, and she suffered none. It's so difficult to see our loved ones in pain. 


Also I would recommend, If one gets a chance to go to Vrinadavan, Please don't miss this temple. 

Life= monotony, and hope.

It was an evening, lazy and monotonous,

Among the green bushy patches,

I strolled in my steady pace,

I watched the dogs lazing,

and the cows that were mooing constantly. 

Trees were still,

Not a leaf moved an inch.

It seemed that trees were taking a nap, 

I couldn't feel the wind,

Nothing was unusual.

Babies in their respective prams, 

and their maids dutifully carried them,

Some seemed careful about the baby,

but the rest, just got an excuse to chit-chat and relax.

It was mundane.

Sky was clear blue. 

Despite of blue being my fav color,

Nothing seemed exciting about it.

Sun was setting,

While girls were walking back to their home.

Some lovers strolled on the path,

and some hid among bushes,

Some who were newly coupled, walked hand-in-hand,

Rest-fought, abused and talked of break-up.

One could understand.

It was obvious.

Frogs jumped on the path,

and lizards swirled on the trunk of the tree,

chameleons changed their color from blue to green,

And squirrels, ran without any reason.

It was life.

And I just strolled for a while,

and returned back home,

It happens to me everyday,

And this is life.

There's a meaning in mundaneness,

You just have to find it.

My dear new l'il Mac book pro,

Aww.. Typing on you, darling, *pinching myself*-Yes, you are mine! You are the one, I can carry it everywhere. Like my little notebook, you save everything- all my silly pictures, and not-so-silly documents. When your screen sleeps, You look so adorable like a baby sleeping peacefully in the mother's arms. And the camera you have- You make me look so good with all its effects. And I love to sing with you on Garage Band. I love to play piano, and make my own music. I love to touch your keys. I am falling short of words to express my happiness. Your scratch-less body, and your speakers are totally fantabulous. When I am with you, I never feel sad. 


You are the best thing I've ever got. Without demands and complaints. You are all mine. I just want to type, type and type all day. Your so sleek figure gives me a complex, for sure. And not to forget, I also love paraphernalia you have bring along. You are adored, my mac! :) 


Only yours.

A "metropolitan" woman.

Behold,
As there she is,
A woman,
Independent,
Beautiful, benign and bold,
Yet, fragile in her ways,
Walking high on her heels,
Her bangles and danglers decking her,
Like stars embellishing the dark night.

Sensuous are her moves,
And what loaded, assertive words and decree,
Are pronounced by that,
Rosy, nonchalant, gum chewing mouth.

Sensitive and childlike is she,
Yet full of substance, power and might,
With an urge to soar high,
Up in the sky. She is,
Capable of shaking 'Mount Olympus'.
Raising her voice, glorifying her passions,
And like never before,
Rising above and beyond the reach of 'MEN'.

Sophisticated and educated is she,
Which the patriarchal world never wanted her to be,
She takes her decisions and,
Decides the course of her life,
She has faith, she has trust,
In no one else, But in her.
Simple,Sensible yet Sacrificing is she,
A Charming, coquettish fighter is she,
She can no longer be ignored,
Oh, no more can she escape your attention,

Behold,
For she has arrived,
To leave you men gawking at her,
With your jaws dropped down low,
Yes, she is the new-age woman,
The 'metropolitan'' woman,
Following the footsteps of 'Draupadi',
But certainly not walking in her shoes.

Because, she is the bride ...

Because, she is the bride

for the night,

loaded with jewels,

and hush-hush make-up.

Because, she is the bride,

her face radiant,

her smile illuminating,

and her mind in melancholy.

Because, she is the bride,

the lessons of her mother,

the love of her friends,

the blessings of the relatives,

she takes along.

Because, she is the bride,

apocalyptic tomorrow,

with an unfamiliar mother,

and a new family.

Because, she is the bride,

who was the sun of her family,

will be the moon to the new family,

all geared up, to make her home.

Because, she is the bride,

her dreams she'd woven,

unsure of the future,

with unending demands,

and full of sacrifices,

she welcomes all of it,

and give herself,

in the eternal bond.

Because, she is the bride,

she cares,

she loves,

all like her own.

 

Because, she is the bride,

she sighs,

she's anxious,

she is the most deserving of love. 

Beauty in darkness...

Under the darkest sky I've ever seen,

with ocean of twinkling stars,

Cool breeze was blowing,

And I felt the wind playing with me,

A mass surrounded by the sparkling water,

and a splendid reflection of leaves in it,

And crystalline dew drops over them,

seems to ornate them as a newly wedded girl.

Some fireflies, I can see

Some lizards, I get scared by the sight of them,

And the shrill sound of those cockroaches,

rested peacefully in the intensive winters.

Standing in solitude,

refection can I see,

in the flickering of infinite candles and lanterns,

And I don't want to move an inch.

How can I forget the docile grass,

which was as soft as silk,

on which I moved; I felt my bare feet wet,

as if grass was still perspiring.

Perhaps,This intrinsic beauty in darkness,

I shall welcome all my life.

 P.S.- I wrote this poem in Alibaug,a suburb of Mumbai on the New Years's eve! I can hardly imagine this kind of beauty in Delhi.

My trip to Kashmir

Today, I sit down, here to write about the place which is surely a "paradise" on this Earth, If you are thinking about the place, I , very "proudly" would name - KASHMIR, the place I visited recently.

The picturesque landscapes, pure white snow, crystal clear waterfalls, dream-like scenery, dense forests, high mountains, surrounded all by clouds. I was overjoyed to see such a magnificent place in my own country. I *secretly* felt pride within me, I still feel a shiver inside me when I recollect the moments I spent in "heaven". I am not being able to put in those apt words it deserves. I found cherry trees; the shikara ride; pollution free environment; the snow skiing and the soul stirring nature; and I found lying myself in the lap of nature.. *WOW*

My mom's purse went missing the very first day of our trip which had lot of valuables plus cash,she left it in some shop, and after sometime she realized when she needed cash.. And we all felt the chill *oh my god* types, my hands went nervously "numb" and we looked at each other, our guide asked us all to keep calm, and we looked for it here and there, and lo, my brother found it in the shop we left, I thanked god from the bottom of my heart, Moreover -I fell in love with Kashmir more deeply, This incident, moreover the honesty- stirred a twig in my heart and soul, and I was able to jump over many stereotypes I had in my mind (which need not to be written here), I felt Kashmir as "my own Kashmir" ( I can't explain the feeling properly)

The best moment was when i saw snow, White , pure , soft, newly SNOW. I was spell bound by the beauty India carries right on its top, We played with snow, made small snow houses, covered oneself with snow, I went amuck seeing SNOW.. It was so cold there that we were covered with a cloth after cloth not showing even the slightest of the skin.

Rishi, Amulya, Madhav, Gaurav, Aditya added a flavor to the beauty with their unexpected humor, and gave me the company I didn't expected.

Gulmarg and Pehelgam are the unforgettable places I've had ever been to . Gul chacha in gulmarg, proved to be a star taking us cut the longest queue for gondola, While we were in gondola, We saw.. Actually, felt nature !! As if mountains, snow and clouds welcomed us and as we moved closer , It enclosed us all in its arms, and allowed us to play in its fragrance.

The sceneries one could only 'imagine', or we drew while we were a kid.. which comprised of mountains with sun in the middle, river flowing right from the top of the mountain, grass all over, plus the huts, Oh my god.. Ditto, when I saw, I was lost in its beauty, and so were all. *excited*

I am really short of words, to describe the beauty I felt within while I was in Kashmir, It really deserves all the cheers!! *claps*

Last one thing, Kashmir is worth fighting for. And it is really the most scintillating place among all the places I've been..!!

*Will cherish the memories of this trip forever*

:))