So what if I die?

So what if I die?

So what if I’ll be forgotten?

So what if my room would be occupied by someone else?

So what if my clothes would be donated for some charity?

So what if I liked to make people smile? 

So what my smell would be gone forever?

So what if my place would be taken by someone else in all the lives I have lived?

So what if my stationary paraphernalia would be thought of as waste?

So what if people would talk about my bad and forget my good?

So what if my mere existence would remain in the photographs? 

So what if my personality would just translate into an image?

So what if I’ll die? 

What if?

what if i am unable to discriminate between what and what not.

what if i can’t judge between how to and how not to. 

what if i can’t handle the humor the way its meant to be.

what if i abandon my emotions and use pure logic.

what if i find comfort in another’s pain and not sorry. 

what if i suddenly become a meat-eater and abstain eating veggies.

what if i give up photography and lose myself in chores.

what if i intake all unhealthy and refrain from healthy.
what if all i demand is respect from people and can do without love.

what if i like to call myself open-minded and not closed.

what if life is full of what-if-s noone can get back to me about. 

Have you being taken granted for?

Love offers you a feeling of security. A security that makes your life worth living. It gives you reasons to make someone smile on a regular basis. It's great to have someone love you back. Someone whom you can take granted for, only because you are sure of the love you showered them with. 

Being taken granted for is generally associated with negativity, but I think it's a great feeling. Someone who takes you for granted would always come back to you, because you offer them something not everyone in the world can offer. I can be a bit preachy in my writing style, ignore to notice that. But what I'm trying to say is, I know we hate being taken for granted, and at the same time it's a great feeling when you know that you'd be approached for something only can offer. It's sad when you are in it, but it feels great when you look back at it. 

There are people I've taken granted for. People generally can't bear that feeling, so they leave. So, only my family and a few of the friends has stood by my side, even when I take them for granted. They make me feel secured. Sometimes, I feel guilty that I make them go through so much of shit. Sometimes, its annoying while sometimes- it's just love. 

Pearls and their value.

I had always chased after pearls,

fought to get them,

i got them, but, 

out of all the pearls i had,

lost, and 

gained, 

Explained by many, that,

pearls are precious to keep,

but i lost,

one after the other,
reason being, 

my carelessness, and faithless-ness,

but the time has come,

when i dont want 

pearls,

 not because they are expensive,

but priceless. 

Dear Rye,

Since the time you are gone, I have known how important you were to me. Don't take me wrong- It's not like, I didn't think of you as important at that point of time when we were together... but yeah, we do take friends for granted at times, and so did I. 

I miss the times we spent together. Talking, watching, eating, and again talking. The first time I experimented maggi with a different flavour was you. The first time I had a friend who looked through my photographs to understand what I am trying to say. The first TV show I'd fallen in love with while watching it with you. You were such a friend. Amidst the lot of people I have in my life, you held a different place altogether. I don't know if you would believe me or no, or if its too late to say, but I really miss you. I missed you on my birthday. A lot. 

You are one friend I'd wish to get married before me. You are one friend I'd want to see your name on the large screen. You're one friend I wish never fell sick, because I know what you go through when you are in pain and how it breaks your momentum in work. You're one friend who understood my girly needs. You're someone possesive and equally caring when it comes to me. 

You were someone who would want to look into my photographs, and would see all the drafts till the time it came out to be perfect.

What you meant to me, is something I can explain by not being able to find anyone like you and what all you did for me. I am happy for whatever you are doing now, and how you choose your life to be. I miss you. I miss your paparazzi-type-taking-photo-mode. I miss you when I want to eat Maggi. I miss you when I have noone to watch tv show seasons all in a night and then discuss it. I miss the way I was with you.  

I can't breakfree.

Trapped,

Chained in the opinions,

keys lost

I can't breakfree.

Affected,

living with thyself,

unwanted,

I can't breakfree.

Tempted to go back,

I can't decide,

A tune in my head,

I can't breakfree.

Dragged by emotions,

unable to face the truth,

crafting the patterns,

I can't breakfree. 

Restlessness,

Peace of mind lost,

so used,

I can't breakfree.

All lost,

noone to hold onto,

none to fall-back on,

unable to trust,

I can't breakfree. 

Negating emotional self.

I thought of myself as an emotional creature. 

Because people around called me emotional. 

ONLY, emotional. 

But more I think about it, 

I am surprised by the fact, that I am not.

I don't know why people always 

saw me as someone who 

is just made up of heap of emotions.

I am emotional at a very basic level. 

I don't feel all the emotions.

I am a human being,

discovering myself at every level.

I am more than emotions. 

I don't even feel a million things.

I don't even understand emotions.

May be my emotions were nothing,

but a social construct. 

When you endure pain ...

Less did I know,

in the process of enduring pain,

and learning to live with it,

and befriending agony, 

you should be happy 

or bitten by melancholia?

Blames,

guilt,

deceit,

taunts.

I wonder,

smiles that you brought,

shortlived though,

are worth missing. But,

this void,

it's creepy,

weird sounds,

and some odd imprints 

that you left behind,

I carry alongwith me,

every day, every night,

in pride, 

in the process of 

enduring the pain...

more I think about you,

more is the pain I derive,

and more, I lose my part. 

The essence of being lonely.

Lonely. I am sure this word bangs your head infinite number of times and scares the shit out of you.  Let me guess, when you have no one to share your innate thoughts, or happy moments and the sad things about your surroundings. As human beings, we are meant to feel these emotions. Happiness. Love. Sadness. Loneliness. Rage. Jealousy. Lust. Greed. We have all the right to have mates and friends all around us, afterall we all are social animals. And we need people to share and gradually grow in our lives. It's not abnormal or there is nothing wrong in feeling lonely. 

Why are people scared about being left alone?

While someone is scared of losing their precious, someone is fearful of being ignored. It's never a good feeling to be the "neglected" one. It's a scary feeling undoubtedly. Everyone wishes to get loved by others and everyone wants to be appreciated. A turmoil and inner conflict is born when no one is there to listen to you, to pat your back, to understand what you are going through. That is when feel loneliness reflects on your face. 

And everyone feels alone at some point or the other, perhaps it's a universal feeling. 

"At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one's lost self."- Brendan Francis 

On one hand where solitudeness creates a void in your heart or keeps you perturbed.However, a different way to look at it can be, it can also guide to the way to know yourself better. When you are surrounded with people all around you and are busy with your chores for long days, you never get a chance to think about yourself and to question yourself (which is important). But once you are left in your own space, you start questioning yourself and try to understand yourself better by introspecting what went wrong and how can it be improved. It's important to achieve something in life. It teaches you a lot of things. It lteaches you a lot about yourself. 

According to me, when you are alone, it can be leading to the process of knowing the self. You can open up face-to-face with yourself without hiding your true emotions. We all expertise in maintaining a facade to display ourselves to the world because of the fear of being judged all the time. We all fear of being put into a trial and therefore become multi-faceted. It's only when you are left in solitude, you can realize your own worth, and be yourself. Just yourself. You can appreciate yourself. You can think anything without the guilt of feeling it. 

Loneliness is a real eye-opener. I guess one should not be scared of feeling lonely at times. Its important for the realization and manifestation of better you. 

Caution- In many cases- a demon/evil is born in the mind of the lonely being which is harmful/fatal if not channelised in the right direction.

Think about yourself. Love yourself. And know yourself. 

You are all worth it~ 

It's one of those days...

It's one of those days,

when life looks like a maze,

rain brings gloom to your heart,

sunset goes unnoticed. 

roaring noises suddenly mutes,

demonic traffic irritates you no more,

It's one of those days, when

no song can cheer you up!

No cuisine can satisfy you,

Aroma of the chocolate can't charm you in,

It's one of those days,

when you forget eating at all.  

It's one of those days,

turbulence is pumping inside you,

when something is vexing you,

that you can't speak, that you can't express,

that you don't want people to know.

It's one of those days,

when you feel lost,

when you don't know what to do,

or how to do.

Mind boggles.

Rarely hurt.

Feeling less.

Perhaps, still and

motionless. 

A thought.

We all dislike the people who lie, but we all lie. 

Don't we?

When life changes...

Life changes,

even before you start realizing.

Some changes are for good,

some changes are for bad.

Whether bad or good,

changes are dificult to accept. 

And the key to accept the changes,

is... time, and nothing else. 

My persistent smile.

I smile,

I smile all the time,


I smile when I'm tired,
I smile when I don't like anything,
I smile when people ignore me,
I smile when I'm sad,
I smile when I look myself in the mirror,
I smile when I fall,
I smile when I am fired,
I smile when people judge me,


But that doesnt mean,
I don't feel different emotions,
though people won't believe.


Because I smile,
and let it go.
Because I ignore,
and let it go.


Two-faced I am,
because I smile, 
and hide other side. 

Very less people know, 
what it takes a person to smile all the time, 
and to hide the pain behind the smile. 

My tiny sister- Sanvi.

The sight of Sanvi, 

fills me with joy and content.

Her tiny fingers and palms,

that holds my thumb

in her own gentle ways,

and her gorgeous smile

could just make up for the 

most melancholy day,

And the way she digs her head 

when i pick her up in my arms,

and tickles on my shoulder,

and refuses to go.

she moulds herself accordingly

when I embrace her in my arms,

she feels happy and cozy, 

she plays with her thumb,

and twists her neck,

she cries in real for sometime,

and sometimes, she cries to cry.

She smirks, she chides,

for those who can understand her.

P.S.- Sanvi is my cousin sister who is 21 years younger  to me. Her fourth monthly birthday just went away two days back. She lights up my days when I meet her.


Babies are the purest form of human beings. They are not pretentious. They have the liberty to say whatever they like. 

On missing home-made food.

The home-made sweets,

                                              that maa- You sent to me,

I devour a bite, and keep the rest inside,

like a treasure,

Nothing tastes like the food you made,

Nothing at all.

How ironic?

Most of the time, the person we were closest to,
whom we entitled our secret-bearer,
in front of whom we laid our hearts on the wishful trays,
with whom, we could share something as personal as passwords.


Ironically, turns out to be the person who is a complete stranger today,
And mind you, Stranger with the hard feelings and a challenging level of discomfort. 
(of course, these days google can help you find the person's whereabouts).

TIP: Staying extra- close to anyone is contagious to the relationships.

On observing the type of relationships around, I found out and came to the conclusion that a lot of people are breaking up 'coz they have nothing left to talk about. The future of those couples is then anticipated to break up, for there is nothing left to share. And then, the relationship is doomed forever. 

Then why say, "Forever"?

Who has invented this word "forever"? Is there anything like "forever"? 


Forever. When someone says, "You are my friend forever"! Does that mean, that XYZ person is not going to leave you alone ever? Really? And when these two friends fight over some stupid shit, and they cry over each other's egotism, that "forever" is lost forever. 


Who/what is going to be with us forever, till death sets us apart? Any idea? Please tell me? 


"Love you forever", "friends forever", are such messages, that I find super- irritating. It's all over Facebook and other social networking sites. Under every hot-shot picture, flooded in the comments. I can't even take it when any of my friends say "love you", like that. Can't we save these words for that someone special or anyone for whom we really mean? Why everyone? 


Forever? D'oh. Everyone comes in our life, some stay for good, some stay to make life more miserable. But the common thing that follows is, they all leave. They promise each other to stay together forever. But we all know, that is not the truth. 


Go back to your sweet childhood days, and spare a moment to think about the people you have left behind till now.  Each class, new best friend? LOL. We make best friend each year, break up each year? Why? Why make best friends then? 


Life is short, we all know that. Yet, there's no one that lives with us forever. 
Everyone breaks that promise of staying together forever. No doubt, most of the people break our trust on the way. And some people just die. And then, separation becomes inevitable. 


Please stop using the word "forever", for it gives me hope about the person- which tears me apart, when broken?  Why can't all the relationships start with a guarantee card? 


What do you say now about "forever"? Anyone for "forever"? 


In this walk of life, we meet some good people whom we love deeply. We also meet some people who do no good. But the important thing is, we learn a new lesson from everyone we come across. One should never forget the lessons learnt, even if that person doesn't stay in your life. Remember to remember the lesson. That's the way we move ahead in life. :) 

The essence of rain.

"By far, the vault of heaven is overly impregnated with massive clouds, that are similar to the gleam of blackish - cotuses... somewhere- they are similar to the glitter of the heaps of well- kneaded blackish mascara... and elsewhere they glisten like the blackened nipples of the bosoms of pregnant women, ready to rain the elixir of lie on the lips of her offspring, when that offspring is actualised... "- Kalidasa

It was late evening today. I was returning back from a shopping complex after meeting my friend. We bid off adieus. The black clouds were visible and soon it started drizzling. I waited for sometime under the shed, but as it was getting darker. I had to reach home. And I had to drive my bike back to home.

I was alone. And it rained. Heavily.

I started to drive. I couldn't wait. Rainy season is my favourite season. And it was a chance get wet in rain, that my mommy usually doesn't let me, because she is scared to see to ill, like all other moms. Perhaps, I couldn't miss this chance. I drove. At first, slowly. Rain drops fell over me, like they were pampering me with love and affection. Then I geared up and achieved some thrill in the speed. And then, rain drops hit me hard on my face and my bare hands. I was drenched in rain water already, and my hair stuck to my forehead. My eyelids shut on its own, because it was raining cats and dogs. I stopped for a while, after finding the corner on the road, and wore a helmet. It prevented me from getting water in my eyes. And then, I drove safely with my eyes wide open.

I drove back home through the meandering ways. Balancing bike was a tough job even more when roads are divided by numerous holes filled with water. These holes create water logging problems severely. I banged into the main door hurriedly as soon as I touched the border of my home. Parked my bike in the garage, freed myself from the helmet. And I rushed back into the rain. Again.

I felt rain. Everywhere. I believe in one of my philosophies sternly. It is- 'when it rains, someone up there, is either very happy because of me, or extremely sad because of me', And today, I felt the happiness that I might have given someone. May be. But when I stretched my neck up towards the sky, and felt the rain drops over my face, I felt bliss. It felt heavenly. Something that I was missing out. Realizing that I have made someone feel happy(according to my philosophy), opened every pore of my skin. It was mesmerising to experience that blissful moment, along with the fragrance of the wet mud. I opened my arms and felt raindrops on my rosy palms, wrist, hands, and on my gapped teeth. And then, my phone suddenly rung with a ringtone, Ah! 'somebody's me'. It felt great. I felt rejuvenated and refreshed all over. 

Rains are god's gift to this earth. Surely the elixir of life. We are blessed. I felt blessed. I forgot all my pains, and worries, and washed them away with the rain. 

When it rains, my mind washes away all the negative thoughts. 

Importance of Love.

Who doesn't want love? Raise your hands, please! Stay honest to yourself while reading the article.


Everyone wants love. And no one can do without it. I must mention-love of any kind-of parents, spouse, friends, etc. Love is like the drug, because it is addictive. Love is like a need. A need, without which you can't do. You need to hear "I love you",time to time. It's necessary, like we do other things set in our time-tables.


Everyone in this chaotic and distressed world searches for that "someone", who makes them feel special. For someone, who have faith in them. For someone, who is capable of making them smile. For someone, who can be companion during all the times-happy and sad. Without love, you feel broken or shattered or depressed. And incomplete. You desire human touch. You can't do without blissful hugs, when torn apart. And that touch creates magic unknown. 


And the biggest irony is, when we get that kind of person-we abuse, we disobey, we say all kinds of bad things, we get over-possesive, we betray, we cheat, we lie, we make wanton excuses to get out of it. May be because we are over-done in the relationship. But then, why do we need love, and we search for love? What do we do that with 'Love' that we want so badly? 


But you know, Love is a pure feeling, the purest of all and there's that precious moment when we feel love. You can feel it rarely. Yes, that's when you feel special. That's when you trust the other person more than yourself. That's when you give in. 
Love makes you feel secure. It gives the assurance of the kind that any amount of money can't give. People who are rich are constantly worried, because they don't get love. They just stay with each other to get material benefits( I might be wrong, but i've seen it in most of the aristocratic families-perhaps, just being honest). Love is that feeling which makes us feel everything right. 


One thing is for sure, when a bond is tied by the strings of love, no body can break it, if you don't want to. You can neither stop the person from leaving you if they are keen to leave. Because you can't control anyone. You always do what you want to do. Therefore, it's definitely not a good idea to bound them with different kinds of restrictions. It stresses the relationships unnecessarily. "When you love someone, set them free. For they'll come back to you like a boomerang if love is true." 
The myth, that distances break the relations. It doesn't. It makes you fall in love more deeply than ever. More than you can ever imagine. 


Spread love, instead of spreading jealousy, possessiveness , and malice. Don't mix the terms.

P.S.-I have written about this topic after a very long time, please co-operate with me, and let me know about the things you disagree to. And please understand that, it is not only the romantic love I'm talking about. 

Life= monotony, and hope.

It was an evening, lazy and monotonous,

Among the green bushy patches,

I strolled in my steady pace,

I watched the dogs lazing,

and the cows that were mooing constantly. 

Trees were still,

Not a leaf moved an inch.

It seemed that trees were taking a nap, 

I couldn't feel the wind,

Nothing was unusual.

Babies in their respective prams, 

and their maids dutifully carried them,

Some seemed careful about the baby,

but the rest, just got an excuse to chit-chat and relax.

It was mundane.

Sky was clear blue. 

Despite of blue being my fav color,

Nothing seemed exciting about it.

Sun was setting,

While girls were walking back to their home.

Some lovers strolled on the path,

and some hid among bushes,

Some who were newly coupled, walked hand-in-hand,

Rest-fought, abused and talked of break-up.

One could understand.

It was obvious.

Frogs jumped on the path,

and lizards swirled on the trunk of the tree,

chameleons changed their color from blue to green,

And squirrels, ran without any reason.

It was life.

And I just strolled for a while,

and returned back home,

It happens to me everyday,

And this is life.

There's a meaning in mundaneness,

You just have to find it.