... dear moon

While walking under the street lights,

following my own silhoutte,

shooing away cockroaches, listening to lizardous music,

fiddling with my phone,

I sneezed. 

I sneezed and looked up in the sky,

and the celestial body attached with the black cloth,

black, dark and infinite.

And cockroaches, phone forgotten

The thought struck me,

if I could dance with you, 

on the lonesome road,

and like I won't point at your flaws,

you shouldn't too.

Dear moon.

I don't want you to judge me,

and make faces while I dance. While,

the music would be composed by cockroaches,

and humming of flies,

and ringtone of the phone,

and lizards cheering, 

because we are together. 

I can't breakfree.

Trapped,

Chained in the opinions,

keys lost

I can't breakfree.

Affected,

living with thyself,

unwanted,

I can't breakfree.

Tempted to go back,

I can't decide,

A tune in my head,

I can't breakfree.

Dragged by emotions,

unable to face the truth,

crafting the patterns,

I can't breakfree. 

Restlessness,

Peace of mind lost,

so used,

I can't breakfree.

All lost,

noone to hold onto,

none to fall-back on,

unable to trust,

I can't breakfree. 

When you endure pain ...

Less did I know,

in the process of enduring pain,

and learning to live with it,

and befriending agony, 

you should be happy 

or bitten by melancholia?

Blames,

guilt,

deceit,

taunts.

I wonder,

smiles that you brought,

shortlived though,

are worth missing. But,

this void,

it's creepy,

weird sounds,

and some odd imprints 

that you left behind,

I carry alongwith me,

every day, every night,

in pride, 

in the process of 

enduring the pain...

more I think about you,

more is the pain I derive,

and more, I lose my part. 

The essence of being lonely.

Lonely. I am sure this word bangs your head infinite number of times and scares the shit out of you.  Let me guess, when you have no one to share your innate thoughts, or happy moments and the sad things about your surroundings. As human beings, we are meant to feel these emotions. Happiness. Love. Sadness. Loneliness. Rage. Jealousy. Lust. Greed. We have all the right to have mates and friends all around us, afterall we all are social animals. And we need people to share and gradually grow in our lives. It's not abnormal or there is nothing wrong in feeling lonely. 

Why are people scared about being left alone?

While someone is scared of losing their precious, someone is fearful of being ignored. It's never a good feeling to be the "neglected" one. It's a scary feeling undoubtedly. Everyone wishes to get loved by others and everyone wants to be appreciated. A turmoil and inner conflict is born when no one is there to listen to you, to pat your back, to understand what you are going through. That is when feel loneliness reflects on your face. 

And everyone feels alone at some point or the other, perhaps it's a universal feeling. 

"At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one's lost self."- Brendan Francis 

On one hand where solitudeness creates a void in your heart or keeps you perturbed.However, a different way to look at it can be, it can also guide to the way to know yourself better. When you are surrounded with people all around you and are busy with your chores for long days, you never get a chance to think about yourself and to question yourself (which is important). But once you are left in your own space, you start questioning yourself and try to understand yourself better by introspecting what went wrong and how can it be improved. It's important to achieve something in life. It teaches you a lot of things. It lteaches you a lot about yourself. 

According to me, when you are alone, it can be leading to the process of knowing the self. You can open up face-to-face with yourself without hiding your true emotions. We all expertise in maintaining a facade to display ourselves to the world because of the fear of being judged all the time. We all fear of being put into a trial and therefore become multi-faceted. It's only when you are left in solitude, you can realize your own worth, and be yourself. Just yourself. You can appreciate yourself. You can think anything without the guilt of feeling it. 

Loneliness is a real eye-opener. I guess one should not be scared of feeling lonely at times. Its important for the realization and manifestation of better you. 

Caution- In many cases- a demon/evil is born in the mind of the lonely being which is harmful/fatal if not channelised in the right direction.

Think about yourself. Love yourself. And know yourself. 

You are all worth it~ 

It's one of those days...

It's one of those days,

when life looks like a maze,

rain brings gloom to your heart,

sunset goes unnoticed. 

roaring noises suddenly mutes,

demonic traffic irritates you no more,

It's one of those days, when

no song can cheer you up!

No cuisine can satisfy you,

Aroma of the chocolate can't charm you in,

It's one of those days,

when you forget eating at all.  

It's one of those days,

turbulence is pumping inside you,

when something is vexing you,

that you can't speak, that you can't express,

that you don't want people to know.

It's one of those days,

when you feel lost,

when you don't know what to do,

or how to do.

Mind boggles.

Rarely hurt.

Feeling less.

Perhaps, still and

motionless. 

My persistent smile.

I smile,

I smile all the time,


I smile when I'm tired,
I smile when I don't like anything,
I smile when people ignore me,
I smile when I'm sad,
I smile when I look myself in the mirror,
I smile when I fall,
I smile when I am fired,
I smile when people judge me,


But that doesnt mean,
I don't feel different emotions,
though people won't believe.


Because I smile,
and let it go.
Because I ignore,
and let it go.


Two-faced I am,
because I smile, 
and hide other side. 

Very less people know, 
what it takes a person to smile all the time, 
and to hide the pain behind the smile. 

On missing home-made food.

The home-made sweets,

                                              that maa- You sent to me,

I devour a bite, and keep the rest inside,

like a treasure,

Nothing tastes like the food you made,

Nothing at all.

It's okay to cry.

When fears block the sight,

and nightmares chase all night,

It's okay to cry.

When you look a little fat,

and relatives tease you all the while,

It's okay to cry.

When grades fall suddenly,

and you seem to understand nothing,

It's okay to cry.

When friends don't understand,

and judge you and despise you,

It's okay to cry.

When god seems to shower all that you don't want,

and life takes a jerky turn,

It's okay to cry.

When money finishes, 

and the month end is twenty days away,

It's okay to cry.

When you bear a pimple on the same day,

that you've bought that expensive dress for,

It's okay to cry.

It's okay to cry,

But, cry to yourself,

and learn from the mistakes.

How ironic?

Most of the time, the person we were closest to,
whom we entitled our secret-bearer,
in front of whom we laid our hearts on the wishful trays,
with whom, we could share something as personal as passwords.


Ironically, turns out to be the person who is a complete stranger today,
And mind you, Stranger with the hard feelings and a challenging level of discomfort. 
(of course, these days google can help you find the person's whereabouts).

TIP: Staying extra- close to anyone is contagious to the relationships.

On observing the type of relationships around, I found out and came to the conclusion that a lot of people are breaking up 'coz they have nothing left to talk about. The future of those couples is then anticipated to break up, for there is nothing left to share. And then, the relationship is doomed forever. 

Then why say, "Forever"?

Who has invented this word "forever"? Is there anything like "forever"? 


Forever. When someone says, "You are my friend forever"! Does that mean, that XYZ person is not going to leave you alone ever? Really? And when these two friends fight over some stupid shit, and they cry over each other's egotism, that "forever" is lost forever. 


Who/what is going to be with us forever, till death sets us apart? Any idea? Please tell me? 


"Love you forever", "friends forever", are such messages, that I find super- irritating. It's all over Facebook and other social networking sites. Under every hot-shot picture, flooded in the comments. I can't even take it when any of my friends say "love you", like that. Can't we save these words for that someone special or anyone for whom we really mean? Why everyone? 


Forever? D'oh. Everyone comes in our life, some stay for good, some stay to make life more miserable. But the common thing that follows is, they all leave. They promise each other to stay together forever. But we all know, that is not the truth. 


Go back to your sweet childhood days, and spare a moment to think about the people you have left behind till now.  Each class, new best friend? LOL. We make best friend each year, break up each year? Why? Why make best friends then? 


Life is short, we all know that. Yet, there's no one that lives with us forever. 
Everyone breaks that promise of staying together forever. No doubt, most of the people break our trust on the way. And some people just die. And then, separation becomes inevitable. 


Please stop using the word "forever", for it gives me hope about the person- which tears me apart, when broken?  Why can't all the relationships start with a guarantee card? 


What do you say now about "forever"? Anyone for "forever"? 


In this walk of life, we meet some good people whom we love deeply. We also meet some people who do no good. But the important thing is, we learn a new lesson from everyone we come across. One should never forget the lessons learnt, even if that person doesn't stay in your life. Remember to remember the lesson. That's the way we move ahead in life. :) 

Importance of Love.

Who doesn't want love? Raise your hands, please! Stay honest to yourself while reading the article.


Everyone wants love. And no one can do without it. I must mention-love of any kind-of parents, spouse, friends, etc. Love is like the drug, because it is addictive. Love is like a need. A need, without which you can't do. You need to hear "I love you",time to time. It's necessary, like we do other things set in our time-tables.


Everyone in this chaotic and distressed world searches for that "someone", who makes them feel special. For someone, who have faith in them. For someone, who is capable of making them smile. For someone, who can be companion during all the times-happy and sad. Without love, you feel broken or shattered or depressed. And incomplete. You desire human touch. You can't do without blissful hugs, when torn apart. And that touch creates magic unknown. 


And the biggest irony is, when we get that kind of person-we abuse, we disobey, we say all kinds of bad things, we get over-possesive, we betray, we cheat, we lie, we make wanton excuses to get out of it. May be because we are over-done in the relationship. But then, why do we need love, and we search for love? What do we do that with 'Love' that we want so badly? 


But you know, Love is a pure feeling, the purest of all and there's that precious moment when we feel love. You can feel it rarely. Yes, that's when you feel special. That's when you trust the other person more than yourself. That's when you give in. 
Love makes you feel secure. It gives the assurance of the kind that any amount of money can't give. People who are rich are constantly worried, because they don't get love. They just stay with each other to get material benefits( I might be wrong, but i've seen it in most of the aristocratic families-perhaps, just being honest). Love is that feeling which makes us feel everything right. 


One thing is for sure, when a bond is tied by the strings of love, no body can break it, if you don't want to. You can neither stop the person from leaving you if they are keen to leave. Because you can't control anyone. You always do what you want to do. Therefore, it's definitely not a good idea to bound them with different kinds of restrictions. It stresses the relationships unnecessarily. "When you love someone, set them free. For they'll come back to you like a boomerang if love is true." 
The myth, that distances break the relations. It doesn't. It makes you fall in love more deeply than ever. More than you can ever imagine. 


Spread love, instead of spreading jealousy, possessiveness , and malice. Don't mix the terms.

P.S.-I have written about this topic after a very long time, please co-operate with me, and let me know about the things you disagree to. And please understand that, it is not only the romantic love I'm talking about. 

Life= monotony, and hope.

It was an evening, lazy and monotonous,

Among the green bushy patches,

I strolled in my steady pace,

I watched the dogs lazing,

and the cows that were mooing constantly. 

Trees were still,

Not a leaf moved an inch.

It seemed that trees were taking a nap, 

I couldn't feel the wind,

Nothing was unusual.

Babies in their respective prams, 

and their maids dutifully carried them,

Some seemed careful about the baby,

but the rest, just got an excuse to chit-chat and relax.

It was mundane.

Sky was clear blue. 

Despite of blue being my fav color,

Nothing seemed exciting about it.

Sun was setting,

While girls were walking back to their home.

Some lovers strolled on the path,

and some hid among bushes,

Some who were newly coupled, walked hand-in-hand,

Rest-fought, abused and talked of break-up.

One could understand.

It was obvious.

Frogs jumped on the path,

and lizards swirled on the trunk of the tree,

chameleons changed their color from blue to green,

And squirrels, ran without any reason.

It was life.

And I just strolled for a while,

and returned back home,

It happens to me everyday,

And this is life.

There's a meaning in mundaneness,

You just have to find it.

What is this?

I might be lonely,

I might be confused,

I might be in a bad mood,

I might just want to stay alone.

I should be happy,

It is raining outside,

cukoo is singing in symphony,

and its all so beautiful.

I am sad,

I don't know what to do,

I have no one to take me to the next step,

I feel doomed and not a ray of hope.

Everything seems to fall apart,

Chaos and confusion all around,

Oh brain! why have you stopped working?

Or may be, I am being plain impatient!

Irreparable time.

Time flies. 

It does. But when in pain, Time doesn't seem to fly. Why is it when, we are happy and spend the good time, we don't realize the amount of time spent. But when we are suffering or in some deep shit, we see our watch after every minute.

My college is getting over- hopefully, if I pass. Of course, I spent the awesome time there. I know, time can never come back.  But, when I look back into the time, I realize- I've changed tremendously, and So does my thinking line. 

There are numerous people I held responsible for making me whatever I am. Yes, I have realized- I am something. Most importantly. College days have empowered me, encouraged me and changed me. I shall never forget the days I spent in that vicinity. The college became special, because of the friends and teachers who taught me. It wouldn't be same, if anyone of these would be missing. I won't name here. But people who read this, are of course the major part of my college days. I've learnt a great deal from all of them.

Sometimes, I wonder- Where I would be without college,when it gets over. No answer echoes back to me. I don't know. I might do good in life, or it can be other way also. Undecided of the admissions, *vexed* It is a strange feeling. Exams are just around the corner. And I should have been studying big time, day and night. But I am pouring out my heart here. 

I am not ready to believe I have grown up. Like what?  I was a kid, a child yesterday. And not a child anymore. This is a scary feeling. When I was young, I was so excited to go to college. And now when its getting over, I am scared of the life ahead. I know, my life has just begun, as every grey-haired person tells me. But, Life so far, has showed me the differences between good and bad. and Also, taught me that- life's not gonna be easy. 

I am excited to know, what's going to happen. What am I going to become. Whether I be able to achieve what I desire and aim to be.

Its just a feeling, and a bad time I am going through. Time is not flying, because things are good. 

I think, now its the time to take a deep breath. And introspect more.  

P.s.- I couldn't say anything on my farewell day, but I wanted to say. Thanks all of you for being there for me. You shall be missed. And those days, might be experienced once again, if we are together. 

Stupidest cupid. Let her live!

I travel in Metro, and usually close my ears listening to FM, but due to some problem in the way i wore my headphones, it kept felling off again and again. And I heard something so funny, That I couldn't help, but get angry.

I heard a girl talking over phone probably talking to her boyfriend, "baby, I am so sorry, I had gone to take bath, after you cut the call that time, and couldn't pick your call,Jaan, Don't get angry. " 

Oh my god? Do couples these days fight over shit like this? I felt like thrashing her that time. Dude, This is heights of possessiveness. What is the need to tell the nuanced details of your life, like you sneezed, you bathed, you taking breakfast.. blah.. blah.. I have personally known couples who fight over the useless issue of not messaging or replying within every 10 seconds. I wonder, Are they in a relationship to fight or to love? You don't trust a person whom you love for she doesn't take their call or call back, Whatever, ONCE? I know, we have technologically advanced, and we all have free messages, but is this way to torture every moment?

There are guys who dictate their girls to not wear sleeveless and showy dresses, but when they get down in a mall, They are the first ones to look out for the girls who wear this? Males are such hypocrites, They have all the problems with their girlfriend's female friends. What kind of life a girl who gets this kind of guy lives! HELL, A hell given by males! TORTURE! For god's sake, Let her breathe, and give her the required space. Or she ll soon realize that you are making her life hell, and will leave you!

I have pathos with the people like these, and pity on their lives and the kind of lives they are living! God has given all of us just one life? And you are responsible for making it pathetic instead of beautiful.  Grow up!

Love is all what we crave for. To get true love. Ha! And if at all we get "true" love, what do we do? We fight? We make that person cry whom we left the world for? We give pain? Please. Stop falling in love, and polluting the word, if this is what you want to do after getting the one you love. Life is so short to spread hatred. One should realize it before its too late. 

An ode to the times lost.

You were so precious to me, more than anything else.

I don't know why did you go?

I told you all the tit-bits of my life, And now.. we behave like any other acquaintance.

Something must be wrong at your end, and something at my end, I'm sure..

You were so close to me,

You were..

my guide,

my friend,

my relative,

my savior,

my solution,

my secret- bearer.

My life depended on you.

I needed you to take a step ahead.

When I came here, to this alien land,

I was relieved to know, that you were here.

But I don't know,

And I can't understand how things changed.

And why things changed?

I trusted you with my heart.

You were dearest to me, if not to anyone else,

Didn't you ever feel, you were important to me?

Didn't you ever miss me?

Why did you chose to leave me?

Wasn't I worth of you?

Did I do you any harm?

Why? WHY? I OFTEN ASK MYSELF,

And knowing it, that times can never be same,

Because we have departed, once! 

You were like a mirror to me,

I could see my real self into you,

and now, that we have scattered,each broken part can never be stuck together.

I miss you,

and the times we have lost behind.

I accuse myself.

And I still love you,

without letting you know.

P.S- Its an ode to all the special life people in my life, with whom I grew up, but are not together , or aren't that close in my today.

Dear Valentine, Beware!

On this day of love,

when love is in the air,

and people in love,

are pouring their hearts out.

I, desolate.. but happy,

after realizing love,

is not that we fancy, But

Love is a gamble.

It is not about making castles,

and going gaga about.

It is all about making sacrifices,

and being faithful.

It is dark,

It is a hope,

It is an ostentation,

It is love,

Oh, What a grave and passionate obsession!

Love is like a rose,

but not a bed of roses.

So, Dear Valentine,

Think before you let your feelings flow.

My message to the feelingless people!

Have you ever come across a not-so-close, but a decent friend who came up to you and say, " I don't wanna be friends with you anymore!"


If you can connect to what I'm trying to say, or ever came across such a moment- You ought to understand what I'm trying to say. But to rest, A message- Please don't walk upto a person and say, you cant be friends anymore, ever! It hurts, somewhere.. even though the person is not that important to you!  It might be possible , the person you said believes that she is very nice friend to you! She might have never done anything wrong to you, or even thought a word bad for you!

Respect feelings, or Your feelings are never gonna be respected!

I feel low...

I am low because I want to be. I desperately need to share my thoughts, feelings and emotions the way I used to. I have become too much frustrated, possibly because of the monotony in my life;someone said. On one side there is an insurmountable academic pressure and on the other side there is this "void",I am lately feeling in my life. My life seems to be surrounded with all kinds of darkness with no rays of light coming from anywhere. "Things are psychological", someone said.

Whenever I see people, having fun and sharing over the happy and sad moments of their lives, I feel cagey and pity on thyself. I am trying to find answers to my questions , "unknown questions".I always provide myself with reasons to keep me satisfied. But, in real, I know what is the truth.

Automatically, when I think about my life, my tear glands starts functioning. I don't cry, but I sob; whenever I am alone. When I wake up every morning- I find no reasons to carry on with my life. I may be failing. But I think I am learning the different ways the life treat us, and right now I am learning the bad things. See the ways, I keep consoling myself! 

I can no more count on people, and can share my things, I think of the different things they are going to think about me. I dislike the things I used to love at one point of time. My tastes are changing. The way I treat people is changing. I am changing. May be for good. But bad is not yet ruled out of the option. I don't know, what is eating up inside me. I am not being able to find reasons for my sadness. I am not being able to deal with inner me. I don't know , why I keep judging people all the time? Why do I feel this way? Is it common among all the people in my age-group? I need to change, and find the answers for my unknown questions before it is too late.

I have become the one who is glued to her mobile, not to text but to play games.
I have become the one who likes to watch Balika Vadhu sharp at 8'0 clock,
I have become the one who keeps earphones stuck to her ears to listen to radio,
I have become the one who likes to do nothing,
I have become the one who wants to do tit- for-tat for everything,
I have become the one who dresses disastrously,

Instead of
having loads of friends to text,
watching reality shows or may be the talk shows ,
to listen the hip- hop, or hard rock music
having infinite books to read,
having infinite household chores to do,
forgiving and forgetting people,
having the biggest wardrobe people dream to have,

I have become the way I now am.

P.S.- People reading this might think - what kind of article is this, but 'am only trying to vent out my sad feelings, and the way I have been lately feeling about my life.