Pearls and their value.

I had always chased after pearls,

fought to get them,

i got them, but, 

out of all the pearls i had,

lost, and 

gained, 

Explained by many, that,

pearls are precious to keep,

but i lost,

one after the other,
reason being, 

my carelessness, and faithless-ness,

but the time has come,

when i dont want 

pearls,

 not because they are expensive,

but priceless. 

Dear Rye,

Since the time you are gone, I have known how important you were to me. Don't take me wrong- It's not like, I didn't think of you as important at that point of time when we were together... but yeah, we do take friends for granted at times, and so did I. 

I miss the times we spent together. Talking, watching, eating, and again talking. The first time I experimented maggi with a different flavour was you. The first time I had a friend who looked through my photographs to understand what I am trying to say. The first TV show I'd fallen in love with while watching it with you. You were such a friend. Amidst the lot of people I have in my life, you held a different place altogether. I don't know if you would believe me or no, or if its too late to say, but I really miss you. I missed you on my birthday. A lot. 

You are one friend I'd wish to get married before me. You are one friend I'd want to see your name on the large screen. You're one friend I wish never fell sick, because I know what you go through when you are in pain and how it breaks your momentum in work. You're one friend who understood my girly needs. You're someone possesive and equally caring when it comes to me. 

You were someone who would want to look into my photographs, and would see all the drafts till the time it came out to be perfect.

What you meant to me, is something I can explain by not being able to find anyone like you and what all you did for me. I am happy for whatever you are doing now, and how you choose your life to be. I miss you. I miss your paparazzi-type-taking-photo-mode. I miss you when I want to eat Maggi. I miss you when I have noone to watch tv show seasons all in a night and then discuss it. I miss the way I was with you.  

Found poetry.

Found this poem in my last year books. Today, this poetry makes so much sense. 


To be honest, I don't remember if this is written by me, or no... but it felt like a REAL treasure when I found it right now. 

koshish thi ki khud se jeetun,

par main khud se haar gayi.

kya isse kahu main haar gayi,

jab uss pyaar se haar gayi.

kahin agar main usse ek manzil,

toh uss manzil se haar gayi.

par himmat na haari maine,

aur har mushkil ko paar kiya,

woh shayad ek seedi tha,

manzil ka jisko darja diya,

kathinaayian ki har seedi chadkar,

aaj main baazi maar gayi. 

I can't breakfree.

Trapped,

Chained in the opinions,

keys lost

I can't breakfree.

Affected,

living with thyself,

unwanted,

I can't breakfree.

Tempted to go back,

I can't decide,

A tune in my head,

I can't breakfree.

Dragged by emotions,

unable to face the truth,

crafting the patterns,

I can't breakfree. 

Restlessness,

Peace of mind lost,

so used,

I can't breakfree.

All lost,

noone to hold onto,

none to fall-back on,

unable to trust,

I can't breakfree. 

What makes you happy?

I understand happiness is ephemeral.


The strange thing, I realised, that I am unable to make myself happy. This realisation is quite scary in itself. I tried to observe what makes/keeps me happy. But I couldn't understand what made me happy generally. I am not a depressed soul or something. I have a smiling face. And my first reaction to things is usually a smile. But happiness? 


I tried hard to track a pattern. It was simple for me. I recieve immense pleasure and happiness and seeing people around me happy. More when its because of me, but I am happy when they are happy.


But the funny thing is that it still required people around me. If I am alone, what would make me happy. Perhaps, answer to this question was difficult. I had no answer. I kept thinking about it. I am still thinking. 


So, I want you all the readers, to think about what makes you happy. Just you, when you are with yourself. How do you keep yourself happy? It's important for each one of you to know and understand. Is your happiness conditional? Is it dependent on someone? Is it to do with your interest? What is it? Define happiness for yourself, with regards to ONLY you. 


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