When you endure pain ...

Less did I know,

in the process of enduring pain,

and learning to live with it,

and befriending agony, 

you should be happy 

or bitten by melancholia?

Blames,

guilt,

deceit,

taunts.

I wonder,

smiles that you brought,

shortlived though,

are worth missing. But,

this void,

it's creepy,

weird sounds,

and some odd imprints 

that you left behind,

I carry alongwith me,

every day, every night,

in pride, 

in the process of 

enduring the pain...

more I think about you,

more is the pain I derive,

and more, I lose my part. 

The essence of being lonely.

Lonely. I am sure this word bangs your head infinite number of times and scares the shit out of you.  Let me guess, when you have no one to share your innate thoughts, or happy moments and the sad things about your surroundings. As human beings, we are meant to feel these emotions. Happiness. Love. Sadness. Loneliness. Rage. Jealousy. Lust. Greed. We have all the right to have mates and friends all around us, afterall we all are social animals. And we need people to share and gradually grow in our lives. It's not abnormal or there is nothing wrong in feeling lonely. 

Why are people scared about being left alone?

While someone is scared of losing their precious, someone is fearful of being ignored. It's never a good feeling to be the "neglected" one. It's a scary feeling undoubtedly. Everyone wishes to get loved by others and everyone wants to be appreciated. A turmoil and inner conflict is born when no one is there to listen to you, to pat your back, to understand what you are going through. That is when feel loneliness reflects on your face. 

And everyone feels alone at some point or the other, perhaps it's a universal feeling. 

"At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one's lost self."- Brendan Francis 

On one hand where solitudeness creates a void in your heart or keeps you perturbed.However, a different way to look at it can be, it can also guide to the way to know yourself better. When you are surrounded with people all around you and are busy with your chores for long days, you never get a chance to think about yourself and to question yourself (which is important). But once you are left in your own space, you start questioning yourself and try to understand yourself better by introspecting what went wrong and how can it be improved. It's important to achieve something in life. It teaches you a lot of things. It lteaches you a lot about yourself. 

According to me, when you are alone, it can be leading to the process of knowing the self. You can open up face-to-face with yourself without hiding your true emotions. We all expertise in maintaining a facade to display ourselves to the world because of the fear of being judged all the time. We all fear of being put into a trial and therefore become multi-faceted. It's only when you are left in solitude, you can realize your own worth, and be yourself. Just yourself. You can appreciate yourself. You can think anything without the guilt of feeling it. 

Loneliness is a real eye-opener. I guess one should not be scared of feeling lonely at times. Its important for the realization and manifestation of better you. 

Caution- In many cases- a demon/evil is born in the mind of the lonely being which is harmful/fatal if not channelised in the right direction.

Think about yourself. Love yourself. And know yourself. 

You are all worth it~ 

It's one of those days...

It's one of those days,

when life looks like a maze,

rain brings gloom to your heart,

sunset goes unnoticed. 

roaring noises suddenly mutes,

demonic traffic irritates you no more,

It's one of those days, when

no song can cheer you up!

No cuisine can satisfy you,

Aroma of the chocolate can't charm you in,

It's one of those days,

when you forget eating at all.  

It's one of those days,

turbulence is pumping inside you,

when something is vexing you,

that you can't speak, that you can't express,

that you don't want people to know.

It's one of those days,

when you feel lost,

when you don't know what to do,

or how to do.

Mind boggles.

Rarely hurt.

Feeling less.

Perhaps, still and

motionless. 

The will to win

I got a mail from my dad, which I thought is worth sharing here with my blogger friends. 

The Will To Win

If you want a thing bad enough
To go out and fight for it,
Work day and night for it,
Give up your time and your peace and
your sleep for it

If only desire of it
Makes you quite mad enough
Never to tire of it,
Makes you hold all other things tawdry
and cheap for it

If life seems all empty and useless without it
And all that you scheme and you dream is about it,

If gladly you'll sweat for it,
Fret for it, Plan for it,
Lose all your terror of God or man for it,

If you'll simply go after that thing that you want.
With all your capacity,
Strength and sagacity,
Faith, hope and confidence, stern pertinacity,

If neither cold poverty, famished and gaunt,
Nor sickness nor pain
Of body or brain
Can turn you away from the thing that you want,

If dogged and grim you besiege and beset it,
You'll get it!

Remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons. Love yourself, trust your choices, and everything is possible.

A thought.

We all dislike the people who lie, but we all lie. 

Don't we?

When life changes...

Life changes,

even before you start realizing.

Some changes are for good,

some changes are for bad.

Whether bad or good,

changes are dificult to accept. 

And the key to accept the changes,

is... time, and nothing else. 

My persistent smile.

I smile,

I smile all the time,


I smile when I'm tired,
I smile when I don't like anything,
I smile when people ignore me,
I smile when I'm sad,
I smile when I look myself in the mirror,
I smile when I fall,
I smile when I am fired,
I smile when people judge me,


But that doesnt mean,
I don't feel different emotions,
though people won't believe.


Because I smile,
and let it go.
Because I ignore,
and let it go.


Two-faced I am,
because I smile, 
and hide other side. 

Very less people know, 
what it takes a person to smile all the time, 
and to hide the pain behind the smile. 

My tiny sister- Sanvi.

The sight of Sanvi, 

fills me with joy and content.

Her tiny fingers and palms,

that holds my thumb

in her own gentle ways,

and her gorgeous smile

could just make up for the 

most melancholy day,

And the way she digs her head 

when i pick her up in my arms,

and tickles on my shoulder,

and refuses to go.

she moulds herself accordingly

when I embrace her in my arms,

she feels happy and cozy, 

she plays with her thumb,

and twists her neck,

she cries in real for sometime,

and sometimes, she cries to cry.

She smirks, she chides,

for those who can understand her.

P.S.- Sanvi is my cousin sister who is 21 years younger  to me. Her fourth monthly birthday just went away two days back. She lights up my days when I meet her.


Babies are the purest form of human beings. They are not pretentious. They have the liberty to say whatever they like. 

Being a child.

Have you ever thought of being a child again? After we grow up, we tend to lose that innocence, and that charm any young child is born with. In that stage, he's not aware of the worldly concerns, and can do whatever he likes according to his wishes. He is pampered and blessed with whatever he wants. Every parent gives the best to their children, and no one can deny this. 


Thanks to the "Performance studies" class, I got a license to be the child. On the streets. In the open spaces. Without giving a damn about what people would think about me. What I felt and went through during that hour, cannot be explained in mere words. But I still want to give a try.


One thing is for sure, No one can bare us for a longer time if we behave "childish" except- parents. That's the beauty of parents. We always remain kids for them, however old we grow. And when I went about the streets acting "childish", ofcourse I got all the attention. People were gazing at me as if I have passed out. Kids do random things, perhaps I was acting like one. And it was not difficult. We have been kids at one point of time. We have lived that phase. Just have to re-live that phase. It comes naturally, without pretending- if we stop caring about people around us would think about us. 


I was playing with windmill toy in one hand. And ate lollipop with the another. Jumped. From one bench to another. Forced myself to hang on trees. Shouted "aeroplane", after seeing the plane flying up in the sky. Shouted, "mumma yeh chahie, papa woh chahie". Danced. Had fun. Put a flower in my hair. All random things. I have never ever done such things in public ever before. To be whatever you want to be. Isn't it great? What better than just being a child?


How I interacted with public spaces was fascinating. I had to do nothing. No talking. Just BE in the role. Everybody was puzzled and they looked at me as if I had turned insane. And I didn't care. The best part was that, I was not suppose to care. 


Can you try this kind of activity sometime with your own set of friends? And choose whatever character you want to play, without caring of whatever the world will think about you?


Being a child refreshed me. Gave me good vibes. And reminded me of my own golden childhood. What a day!! :)) 

I miss you all.

It's a month, 
since I'm away from home.
I know, I'm not a child anymore,
but there are some things I long for.


I miss when every member of my family came to wake me up and I still kept sleeping.
I miss my lazy days,
I long for home food,
I regret the tantrums I used to throw unncessarily to make a fuss,
I miss the care,
I miss the "unnoticed" love,
I miss my arguments with mom,
I miss the times, when I teased my l'il brother,
I miss spending time with papa,
I miss reading newspaper.
And I miss almost everything about maa,
I even miss the scoldings,
I miss my home without upholstery,
I miss my wardrobe,
and the fridge and that special almirah in the kitchen,
I miss my study,
I miss eating sweets at night.
I miss the smell of my pillow,
And looking outside that huge window,


Moreover,
I miss when maa waited for me to come back home from college.
It angered me then, when she called up to know where I am,
Here, no one asks where I am,
and listen to my daily nonsensical stories.
And it makes me miss my home more.


I miss you all so much,
that I'm scared to tell.
It's not like, things are wrong here,
Everything's fine here.
Still, memory flashes back to the time of togetherness,
may be in the form of dream or just 
just goes away with the blink of an eye.
But, All of you are always there 
in my mind and heart. 

A month is enough to realize, that home is the best place to be. And parents are the best people on the earth. 


It always makes me wonder, I shouldn't have been such a pampered child for no one other than you can do the pampering. 

On missing home-made food.

The home-made sweets,

                                              that maa- You sent to me,

I devour a bite, and keep the rest inside,

like a treasure,

Nothing tastes like the food you made,

Nothing at all.

It's okay to cry.

When fears block the sight,

and nightmares chase all night,

It's okay to cry.

When you look a little fat,

and relatives tease you all the while,

It's okay to cry.

When grades fall suddenly,

and you seem to understand nothing,

It's okay to cry.

When friends don't understand,

and judge you and despise you,

It's okay to cry.

When god seems to shower all that you don't want,

and life takes a jerky turn,

It's okay to cry.

When money finishes, 

and the month end is twenty days away,

It's okay to cry.

When you bear a pimple on the same day,

that you've bought that expensive dress for,

It's okay to cry.

It's okay to cry,

But, cry to yourself,

and learn from the mistakes.

Change begins...

I wanted to be here. And I'm here,

I fashioned this course. I got it.

But... but... desires don't stop here.

There's something more I want now. 

I'm here. 

Perhaps, to make the best of my years.

And I will. 

Bengalooru, I am gleed to be here. 

How ironic?

Most of the time, the person we were closest to,
whom we entitled our secret-bearer,
in front of whom we laid our hearts on the wishful trays,
with whom, we could share something as personal as passwords.


Ironically, turns out to be the person who is a complete stranger today,
And mind you, Stranger with the hard feelings and a challenging level of discomfort. 
(of course, these days google can help you find the person's whereabouts).

TIP: Staying extra- close to anyone is contagious to the relationships.

On observing the type of relationships around, I found out and came to the conclusion that a lot of people are breaking up 'coz they have nothing left to talk about. The future of those couples is then anticipated to break up, for there is nothing left to share. And then, the relationship is doomed forever. 

Then why say, "Forever"?

Who has invented this word "forever"? Is there anything like "forever"? 


Forever. When someone says, "You are my friend forever"! Does that mean, that XYZ person is not going to leave you alone ever? Really? And when these two friends fight over some stupid shit, and they cry over each other's egotism, that "forever" is lost forever. 


Who/what is going to be with us forever, till death sets us apart? Any idea? Please tell me? 


"Love you forever", "friends forever", are such messages, that I find super- irritating. It's all over Facebook and other social networking sites. Under every hot-shot picture, flooded in the comments. I can't even take it when any of my friends say "love you", like that. Can't we save these words for that someone special or anyone for whom we really mean? Why everyone? 


Forever? D'oh. Everyone comes in our life, some stay for good, some stay to make life more miserable. But the common thing that follows is, they all leave. They promise each other to stay together forever. But we all know, that is not the truth. 


Go back to your sweet childhood days, and spare a moment to think about the people you have left behind till now.  Each class, new best friend? LOL. We make best friend each year, break up each year? Why? Why make best friends then? 


Life is short, we all know that. Yet, there's no one that lives with us forever. 
Everyone breaks that promise of staying together forever. No doubt, most of the people break our trust on the way. And some people just die. And then, separation becomes inevitable. 


Please stop using the word "forever", for it gives me hope about the person- which tears me apart, when broken?  Why can't all the relationships start with a guarantee card? 


What do you say now about "forever"? Anyone for "forever"? 


In this walk of life, we meet some good people whom we love deeply. We also meet some people who do no good. But the important thing is, we learn a new lesson from everyone we come across. One should never forget the lessons learnt, even if that person doesn't stay in your life. Remember to remember the lesson. That's the way we move ahead in life. :) 

The essence of rain.

"By far, the vault of heaven is overly impregnated with massive clouds, that are similar to the gleam of blackish - cotuses... somewhere- they are similar to the glitter of the heaps of well- kneaded blackish mascara... and elsewhere they glisten like the blackened nipples of the bosoms of pregnant women, ready to rain the elixir of lie on the lips of her offspring, when that offspring is actualised... "- Kalidasa

It was late evening today. I was returning back from a shopping complex after meeting my friend. We bid off adieus. The black clouds were visible and soon it started drizzling. I waited for sometime under the shed, but as it was getting darker. I had to reach home. And I had to drive my bike back to home.

I was alone. And it rained. Heavily.

I started to drive. I couldn't wait. Rainy season is my favourite season. And it was a chance get wet in rain, that my mommy usually doesn't let me, because she is scared to see to ill, like all other moms. Perhaps, I couldn't miss this chance. I drove. At first, slowly. Rain drops fell over me, like they were pampering me with love and affection. Then I geared up and achieved some thrill in the speed. And then, rain drops hit me hard on my face and my bare hands. I was drenched in rain water already, and my hair stuck to my forehead. My eyelids shut on its own, because it was raining cats and dogs. I stopped for a while, after finding the corner on the road, and wore a helmet. It prevented me from getting water in my eyes. And then, I drove safely with my eyes wide open.

I drove back home through the meandering ways. Balancing bike was a tough job even more when roads are divided by numerous holes filled with water. These holes create water logging problems severely. I banged into the main door hurriedly as soon as I touched the border of my home. Parked my bike in the garage, freed myself from the helmet. And I rushed back into the rain. Again.

I felt rain. Everywhere. I believe in one of my philosophies sternly. It is- 'when it rains, someone up there, is either very happy because of me, or extremely sad because of me', And today, I felt the happiness that I might have given someone. May be. But when I stretched my neck up towards the sky, and felt the rain drops over my face, I felt bliss. It felt heavenly. Something that I was missing out. Realizing that I have made someone feel happy(according to my philosophy), opened every pore of my skin. It was mesmerising to experience that blissful moment, along with the fragrance of the wet mud. I opened my arms and felt raindrops on my rosy palms, wrist, hands, and on my gapped teeth. And then, my phone suddenly rung with a ringtone, Ah! 'somebody's me'. It felt great. I felt rejuvenated and refreshed all over. 

Rains are god's gift to this earth. Surely the elixir of life. We are blessed. I felt blessed. I forgot all my pains, and worries, and washed them away with the rain. 

When it rains, my mind washes away all the negative thoughts. 

What is beauty to you?

Few days ago, A strange incident took place. It might not look strange to you. But I had issues dealing with it. 

I was standing with an aunt in the neighbourhood garden, among lush greens, and vast varieties of tress and plants. Lot of insects, and little creatures were seen from time to time. A not-so-attractive lizard appeared, and aunt immediately shouted,"this is an ugly lizard, it must be venomous". I did not react. But the incident kept striking me again and again. It has reasons.

Number one reason being, she connected ugliness with venom? Lets be clear here, not every creature is pretty and good-looking. Does that mean, that they are poisonous, or harmful. There are many good-looking creatures, who are of no worth to the society. I don't understand. Does our brains accept only white beautiful people? Did that aunt expect lizard to be snazzy and glamorous? Lizard is ugly, therefore it contains venom. Weird? And what about us, human beings, who are not pretty? Are we venomous too? 

Think about it. 

World preaches beauty. Television displays all the pretty white faces with the accurate shapes and sizes. The world is not so perfect that is shown on our television sets, only if we understand this. We have imperfections. And we should be proud of it. Where will the fun factor be, and self improvement part be, if we all were born perfect. Why aren't imperfect faces ever applauded? 

Blackness has always been associated with evil, venom, and everyone wants the fair skinned companion. Isn't that strange? Yes, it is. Can't people with black skin be good companions? All of us have been created by god. We have distinguished features. Different color, different sizes? What is the problem then? Don't we have the right to be treated equally? Why is black considered to be evil? And why are ugly people considered to be savages? Each of the creature- human being or an animal, has the right to live,till his death sets him apart. Who are these pretty people, who can deny them a worthy life? 

Beauty is transient. It will go away, with time. Then? Are we living in a world, where only pretty faces are capable of making good friends? 

Do you all need pretty- faced people to get clicked with, to call them "friends", and to display it on face book and other social networking sites?  I've heard from somewhere that in colleges, they prefer to give away admissions to the beautiful people without looking into their calibres, who are least deserving? Ugly faces are not taken by good families for marriage prospects? Are those families really "good families" who mercilessly rejects the not-so-good looking faces to enter in their bloodlines, however ugly their boy might be. Does these kind of faces not make good couples? I can put down so many more examples here, where beautiful people can go on, and not-so-beautiful can't.

P.S.- I understand, aunt talked about lizard being ugly and venomous. But the concepts of beauty are deeply rooted in the our society that discriminates everyone on something or the other. They don't even spare lizards. How does it matter to her? 

My message to the people who were ever demeaned because of their beauty (esp for girls) :

Don't ever think you are not beautiful. You are. However, dishevelled state you are in. You always look beautiful.

You are capable of achieving everything in the world, that you dream for yourself.

Never let anyone put you down. Build your self confidence brick by brick each day. 

And never forget, Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. 

And dear beauty appreciators, if you are so keen to applaud physical beauty, and your eyes cant stand imperfections, look around and praise the beauty of nature. The purest form of beauty. There's is nothing so perfect and beautiful like nature. 

A song.

Anyone who is depressed, and wanna be motivated - Listen to this song. 

It will boost you up for sure.

Do leave comments, if you like the song. 

I love it. 

Sit back and think.

We always win and lose at the same time. 

Happiness and sadness walks hand in hand.

Neither of the two emotions are permanent. They are constantly changing. Life is so bad at one time, and the next moment, its all good, and beautiful. The dualities of these kind make a life livable. No one can keep winning for their entire lives. Everyone has to face failure, and if you make fun of failure around you, Remember that you are next. 

Try to take happiness and sadness, as gifts of god. Never get too happy or too sad. There is always something lying in store for you, that bumps in your life whenever it's the right time. Things will always change. 'Waiting' is the right word. 

Don't keep regretting your past. It will ruin your present and future. Letting it go would be the best option. Don't curse your past. Remember, whatever has happened, its for the good. It's all planned by that supreme power. Chalk out creative plans to not repeat the mistakes done in the past.

Never leave your friends alone in sorrows and pains. Sharing happiness is not that important that as sharing pain. If you are not there, you are definitely not the "friend".

Life is full of surprises. You never know what is going to happen in the next moment of the life. Surprises are the essence of life. 

Always leave good memories of self in someone's heart and mind. It makes all the difference. Nothing else will matter. Do good. Make people smile. 

Take a chill pill. Sit back and think. And don't think bad of anyone. Don't make your mind so complex that you yourself can't untangle the things it back. 

A thought- 2

"Whatever happens, 

it is for the good . " 

On my visit to Behari ji's temple, in Vrindavan

It was raining heavily, to my surprise. I like rains, but this time when I had to walk bare feet from the car parking area to the temple on the muddy road with stones, I realized rains were pretty difficult to live with, for the person who uses legs to commute. It was not easy. To take an each step ahead, and put down feet in the filthy mud water, I watched my pedicured feet with a sigh. My feet looked horrible. But my granny was determined to walk bare feet and expected the same from me. (The reason to walk bare feet is simple. They say, that foot wears get stolen in the rush of that kind) I definitely didn't want to lose my Catwalk bellies. 


Somehow, we managed to get inside the temple with the flow of people getting in. The sight was terrific. People, people everywhere. And not an inch to stand. I bet, no one could get inside the crowd after coming out without the pain of being stampeded or suffocated. 


People called themselves fortunate if they chanced a single glance of the idol "behariji". The pandits opened and closed the darshan in every 20 seconds because they say,"behariji ko nazar lag jaati hai". It was fascinating to me. The temple was peculiar in shape and size. One could not say, it was a cuboidal or cubic shaped. It was wide-spread. Marble flooring was even more slippery because it was watery with the rasas of flowers and filthy water that people's feet carried. People shouted "jai" after every two minutes. And the only way one could keep satisfied standing sandwiched was, he would be lucky to see a glance of the idol. Luckily, I am tall. It was not at all difficult for me. But for my mum, who is not so tall and also thin, it was difficult to even breathe inside. She got her hair messed, and she hurt her feet and it caught bleeding. 


I had an argument with a girl, who called my mum stupid because she stamped on her feet. It was weird. In that kind of rush, how can anyone abuse of stamping of feet? My mum's feet bled. The drops fell on the marble but she kept quiet. She was determined to not look back(after I insisted her), for she wanted to see the deity and worship. However, on seeing her blood, I got a little annoyed and pissed. I could shout at her that time, but her conviction to stay-made me say nothing to her. I just wished, we got out of that rush as soon as possible.


Finally, after getting on the stairs, my mum got to see the idol completely and she was so satisfied. All that pain she suffered,seemed to vanish. With a glance of the deity, she could bear the pain with ease. 


However, we got out of the temple finally, filling our feet with the mud again. The glance of the idol was undoubtedly imprinting. A sight to see. And only today, my height proved as a bliss.


I don't know, it was very difficult to see my mum in pain of that kind, may be the least. I wished all pains were mine, and she suffered none. It's so difficult to see our loved ones in pain. 


Also I would recommend, If one gets a chance to go to Vrinadavan, Please don't miss this temple. 

A thought.

" When life is so chaotic and complex,

 how can you be so simple and selfless? " 

Importance of Love.

Who doesn't want love? Raise your hands, please! Stay honest to yourself while reading the article.


Everyone wants love. And no one can do without it. I must mention-love of any kind-of parents, spouse, friends, etc. Love is like the drug, because it is addictive. Love is like a need. A need, without which you can't do. You need to hear "I love you",time to time. It's necessary, like we do other things set in our time-tables.


Everyone in this chaotic and distressed world searches for that "someone", who makes them feel special. For someone, who have faith in them. For someone, who is capable of making them smile. For someone, who can be companion during all the times-happy and sad. Without love, you feel broken or shattered or depressed. And incomplete. You desire human touch. You can't do without blissful hugs, when torn apart. And that touch creates magic unknown. 


And the biggest irony is, when we get that kind of person-we abuse, we disobey, we say all kinds of bad things, we get over-possesive, we betray, we cheat, we lie, we make wanton excuses to get out of it. May be because we are over-done in the relationship. But then, why do we need love, and we search for love? What do we do that with 'Love' that we want so badly? 


But you know, Love is a pure feeling, the purest of all and there's that precious moment when we feel love. You can feel it rarely. Yes, that's when you feel special. That's when you trust the other person more than yourself. That's when you give in. 
Love makes you feel secure. It gives the assurance of the kind that any amount of money can't give. People who are rich are constantly worried, because they don't get love. They just stay with each other to get material benefits( I might be wrong, but i've seen it in most of the aristocratic families-perhaps, just being honest). Love is that feeling which makes us feel everything right. 


One thing is for sure, when a bond is tied by the strings of love, no body can break it, if you don't want to. You can neither stop the person from leaving you if they are keen to leave. Because you can't control anyone. You always do what you want to do. Therefore, it's definitely not a good idea to bound them with different kinds of restrictions. It stresses the relationships unnecessarily. "When you love someone, set them free. For they'll come back to you like a boomerang if love is true." 
The myth, that distances break the relations. It doesn't. It makes you fall in love more deeply than ever. More than you can ever imagine. 


Spread love, instead of spreading jealousy, possessiveness , and malice. Don't mix the terms.

P.S.-I have written about this topic after a very long time, please co-operate with me, and let me know about the things you disagree to. And please understand that, it is not only the romantic love I'm talking about.