Saturday, July 24, 2010

I feel low...

I am low because I want to be. I desperately need to share my thoughts, feelings and emotions the way I used to. I have become too much frustrated, possibly because of the monotony in my life;someone said. On one side there is an insurmountable academic pressure and on the other side there is this "void",I am lately feeling in my life. My life seems to be surrounded with all kinds of darkness with no rays of light coming from anywhere. "Things are psychological", someone said.

Whenever I see people, having fun and sharing over the happy and sad moments of their lives, I feel cagey and pity on thyself. I am trying to find answers to my questions , "unknown questions".I always provide myself with reasons to keep me satisfied. But, in real, I know what is the truth.

Automatically, when I think about my life, my tear glands starts functioning. I don't cry, but I sob; whenever I am alone. When I wake up every morning- I find no reasons to carry on with my life. I may be failing. But I think I am learning the different ways the life treat us, and right now I am learning the bad things. See the ways, I keep consoling myself! 

I can no more count on people, and can share my things, I think of the different things they are going to think about me. I dislike the things I used to love at one point of time. My tastes are changing. The way I treat people is changing. I am changing. May be for good. But bad is not yet ruled out of the option. I don't know, what is eating up inside me. I am not being able to find reasons for my sadness. I am not being able to deal with inner me. I don't know , why I keep judging people all the time? Why do I feel this way? Is it common among all the people in my age-group? I need to change, and find the answers for my unknown questions before it is too late.

I have become the one who is glued to her mobile, not to text but to play games.
I have become the one who likes to watch Balika Vadhu sharp at 8'0 clock,
I have become the one who keeps earphones stuck to her ears to listen to radio,
I have become the one who likes to do nothing,
I have become the one who wants to do tit- for-tat for everything,
I have become the one who dresses disastrously,

Instead of
having loads of friends to text,
watching reality shows or may be the talk shows ,
to listen the hip- hop, or hard rock music
having infinite books to read,
having infinite household chores to do,
forgiving and forgetting people,
having the biggest wardrobe people dream to have,


I have become the way I now am.

P.S.- People reading this might think - what kind of article is this, but 'am only trying to vent out my sad feelings, and the way I have been lately feeling about my life.

4 comments:

Anonymous Someone said...

Go out, alone, on a walk, sit on a clear night on the terrace, watch the stars, feel the wind in the hair and the head, if you feel like shouting out loud, do it sometimes...

This is what I do.

Sumit said...

Hi,

I think its very normal with people of your age... You always write about bad things or sad things except for 2 blogs.I think its just being negative. What about the many positive things that happen to ur life? Try to express them as well. It will surely give you enough food for thought how get them again.

Come out of the shell of negativity and you will explore many new things. Try doing what you think will make you happy.

Hope this will help.
A Well-wisher

Sunakshi said...

I guess i can actually relate to this.May be coz i am feeling the same way these days. :[
I guess its just a realization phase i suppose.sooner i'll get busy with work,i'll get over it! :)
yea despite of positivity in perception,there's something unknown that haunts..it feels miserable..i can feel this post like dew drops on my fingertips.

Jack said...

Ritika,

Has venting your pent up feelings helped you? One does feel little light after this. Come on, pull yourself up and get going. You are no failure. You ought to make up your mind and do what you really wish to. DON'T EVER THINK OF IS IT WORTH LIVING. IT IS VERY MUCH WORTH IT. I am still waiting to hear from you, if you have trust.

Take care